Thato’s family came to see us and brought gifts to wish us the best in our lives. A few months later, Thato changed again and became a huge monster that I didn’t know. He would even lock the door whenever he went to work in order for us to not leave the house, and he would take my phone to work every day, telling me that I was his wife. I tried asking him what could have changed between us, but he was the man and I was not allowed to question him on anything. Just like that, I was back to my hell just because I was blinded by love.

One day Thato got retrenched and, because of that, he became constantly stressed and angry at us. It was more than what we had ever seen before, and he had become a bigger monster. I remember how, after cooking for him, he said my food didn’t taste well, and how he would always throw my past at me and remind me that he had raised my kid when his father left me. I cried but it didn’t help, and he would always slap me for raising my voice at him whenever I answered him.

After that, Thato would drive his car without telling us where he was going and three months went by while I was alone. He had blocked his phone number, and I had to support my kids alone. I then packed my bags again and promised myself to never trust a man in my life. I went back home with my kids and left the keys again with the neighbours.

I later taught myself how to be independent and stand up for myself and my kids, and how to strive to make a better tomorrow for them and not to rely on someone else. Life has ups and downs, but it all depends on how you see it and how you want to toss it around. You need to be courageous, believe in yourself and always see yourself as a dreamer. You need to also motivate yourself and not let other people pull you down. Yes they will talk, gossip, and do everything they like, but you’re still the one in charge of your life. Do not sit in abusive relationships because of the kids. Don’t do it, mainly because we sometimes suffer because we want our kids to be next to their fathers, hence they abuse us continually. Stand up, talk, and seek help before it’s too late because you might lose your life protecting those men. It hurts and it’s never easy to open up, but if I could do it, then what’s stopping you from telling your story?

Seek help, my sister, my mother, my child. There are too many people out there waiting to hear a call from you looking for help so that they can assist and support you. An abusive journey is not easy, but with the nation holding hands, we can beat this. Enough is enough, down with Gender Based Violence.

Now I’m a proud mother of two, a businesswoman, a community developer and I’m proud to stand up today for all women who are victims of abuse. We need to strike back as women and unite as a nation to beat GBV. Those monsters abusing, raping and killing our beloved friends, wives, children and mothers need to stay behind bars and face the full might of the law.

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