The sight of the city centre was something Thato never really fell in love with. His hatred for the city came a long way. He’d remember how he longed, ever since he moved to Joburg, being in a cozy and secluded environment like the farm he grew up in. How he’d cry himself to sleep every time he had to visit his brother in Joburg.

For him, a city had always been a place that crushed people’s dreams. It had always been a place that destroyed lives, which many had fallen victim to. He just couldn’t understand the ways of the city. He couldn’t understand why people couldn’t miss a minute of their time for the pavement to be fixed. The rashness of the city, that which even when the contraction workers went on with their business, Joburgers were busy passing by in great numbers of cramped bodies attached closely to one another.

He just couldn’t understand why life had to be this fast in these parts. He just couldn’t stomach the fact that wet concrete was placed in the middle of the street where tons of people couldn’t even care to take another route, just for that day.

Having been in the city for some time, he knew that in a blink of an eye he’d have lost much from the gold rush that the city promised. Now he knew that missing a minute was like missing a chunk of his life in the city. It would be like stepping out of his body and observing it for a while as it carried on with its business without his involvement at all.

Now he knew that even if he was to drop dead on these streets, the city would never care to remember him. How many have? She would ask him. How many will? She would say with her gold-filled teeth and a grin that had most coming back to her for more. He knew that even if he were to trip and fall, break an ankle or two, the city would just be too busy to care.

She would have asked him again how many have fallen. As if rubbing it into his face she’d ask him yet again. How many will? She’d take him for a spin in the city, her own city. Show him all her corners and her spots. She’d let him smell the joy she brought to some. The smiles she had produced. The cheerful endings she orchestrated. She’d show him her soft spot.

That love and care he’d rarely heard of and seen. That which made people’s dreams come true. That which made others become millionaires and others way more than that. She’d let him get under her skin. Show him all her ropes. How to get by. With whom. And where. As he got too comfy, she’d take a turn and take him for a ride to the other side. The side she seldom revealed. The side Thato’s hatred for her was rooted upon. She’d take him through the dim, yet glittering streets of hers. Clamouring and humming with both delight and dread. When death and terror wage itself into the city. When blood spills plunge itself into hers. When drugs, lust and violence reign.

Thato knew, however, that unlike him, for most the love of the city was deeply rooted. The love which, by bearing the sight of, made his heart fill with more resentment as he walked out of his brother’s white Polo GTI. He walked slowly towards the restaurant he was to buy himself lunch at.

The bustling mood of the city had taken effect. Smiling faces Thato never grew fond of. The smell of dirt was just too unbearable for him. He paced himself, got out of the pavement into the tar road. Picked up his pace and entered the door of the restaurant. The smell had subsided, so had the clamouring sounds.

“Hi sir, how can I help you?” asked the lady at the counter.

“Hi can I have fried chicken and chips please?” he said with his head deep in the menu book. “Add a cold-drink also, sorry.”

“OK. Is that all?”

“Yeah that’s all, thanks.”

His eyes darted around in his attempt to avoid the girl who had been staring at him ever since he entered the restaurant. The shabby-looking girl who had spent the last few minutes staring at him. He passed by a small group of seated men. In the queue was a shady-looking lady with a small child of about three and a half. The room was plain and decorated in a utilitarian manner, with benches and plain tables dotted around. It reflected nothing that had to do with food. Unlike its appearance however, its food spoke volumes. The same reason that Thato fell in love with it. He sat next to an elegant-looking gentleman who kept looking at his watch every other minute.

“Hi,” he said in a low voice. Not too sure of himself yet, appreciating the approach. On a chair not far from his, sat that little girl with watery brown eyes and red, blotchy cheeks clinging to her mother’s arm. I have now found the culprit of my distraction, he thought as he avoided that beggar who had her eyes fixated on him.

He frowned as he watched the little girl’s futile attempts to get her mother’s attention. His frown deepened as he saw the little hope she had drain from her face as she was increasingly ignored and brushed off. He looked away from the little girl for a minute and then the brown eyes again!

His gaze had been returned and he could now see the question burning in her eyes. Why her? Why did fate throw the innocent with the cruellest cards in life? He shifted his gaze towards the counter to see if his order had arrived. It asks too much of me, he thought, I cannot answer her desperate plea.

The agonising sight of the barefoot girl with her ashy black ankles just didn’t sit well with him. That was why he hated the city so much; it made him experience such pains. The broader line between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’. Where he fell between the two he knew not, but the pain of the hungry young girl he could feel as though it was his own.

***

Tell us what you think: What do you feel when you pass or see a person begging on the streets?