When I get up, I check the clock, and it is 04:00am. I always do this when I wake up, checking the clock first. It is so quiet that I can even hear my own heartbeat. I then turn to look for my phone, and that is when I realise that my husband is not here. I get up to look for him in the sitting room, and I find him there sleeping on the couch. At least he seems to be warm, so there is no need to bring a blanket.

I go back to bed to try get some sleep, even though I am struggling. Later, I get woken up by the alarm, and the time now is 07:00am. I open the windows and make my bed. Oh, I mean our bed. I do not have the energy to look in the street today, or watch people minding their business. I just want to be at work, and to bury myself with loads of work, until I do not feel this pain again.

After a while, I make my way to the kitchen and I am surprised to find my husband making breakfast again. He is supposed to be at work, his shift started 30 minutes ago. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I ask, but he does not answer me, he does not even to bother looking at me.

Now I feel like I am at fault of what is happening here. I then fill my bowl with cornflakes, but I do not seem to find milk.

“I am making breakfast honey, there is no need of that bowl,” he says, talking to me with his face full of smile.

I suppose I have to smile now, just to keep the peace in the house and lessen the drama. What worries me is that life continues as if nothing happened, and I find myself so damn good at pretending. If he wants to pretend as if nothing happened, then I am his girl. I can be very quiet.

“I called in sick today, and I would be very glad if you did the same,” he says.

Wow, what a man he is. To mess up our lives, and then have the nerve to call the shots. “I am sorry, but I have to be at work today,” I respond. “We have important meetings to attend to.”

“Please Zandile, we have talk about it,” he says. “I know it is killing you, but you are very good at pretending. I love you and I need you in my life, that is why I will do anything to fix my problems.”

I do not know whether to believe him or just start packing. Before I could answer, there is a knock at the door. It could be one of the neighbours looking for juicy news for her friends later on. That is what they do, going around people’s house looking for the nicest, juiciest story over the cup of coffee.

Sometimes I wonder if they ever clean their houses or help kids with homework and watch them growing. As for their husbands, I think they know how to stand in front of the stove every day and cook for the whole family, including their wives. My husband opens the door and leaves me near the table filled with food. To my surprise, and a shocking surprise it is, it is my mother-in-law with bags, and she is looking like she will be around for months.

***

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