Weeks passed and we were still good. I had forgotten about everything. His birthday was coming up and he told me he had plans with Cindy. What? Cindy? Are you kidding me? I told him that I didn’t trust Cindy so he promised to cancel with her. We made plans to hangout for his birthday.

I was all smiles in the morning, humming the whole morning. I did all my chores and got ready. I sent him a dozen WhatsApp texts but got no responses. Sent him texts messages but he didn’t respond. I called him a couple of times but he didn’t answer my calls. Wait a minute… hold up! The last time he did this, Rosie happened. Theo no! Please don’t do this again please.

I couldn’t go to his house, I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Maybe he had plans with his friends or something, I consoled myself. I watched TV for the rest of the day, which sucked. I didn’t see him that following week. I wanted him to miss me just as much as I missed him.

I went to see him after the whole stay away mission I was on. He said nothing about that day so I didn’t ask either. I knew that something had happened but I didn’t have any concrete proof. So again, we fell back to our way; we were awesome. We would talk about everything. We got closer every day and my love for him was too much. I felt like I was obsessed with him. Going a day without seeing him was torture. I would see him every day. Till this day, when Theo sent me a text saying that he had something to tell me. You have no idea how much I hate those type of texts.

I went to see him with a huge smile on my face. Little did I know that this day was going to change my life forever. It made me despise men and love itself. Isn’t love supposed to be God sent, beautiful and breath-taking?

We sat on the bed looking at each other eye to eye. I wanted to hear what he had to say so I forced the truth out of him and it wrecked me. He told me he cheated… Twice, with both Cindy and Rosie. My whole world came crashing down. For a moment there I thought I was in a movie you know, those romantic comedies. You end up getting used to these type of things, getting used to being disappointed. You don’t even set your expectations high because you already know that you’re going to get hurt. You just expect bad things to happen to you because you feel like you don’t deserve happiness.

I started laughing, yes laughing. I think my tears were on leave for a second there. I now understand the meaning of “things happen”. I thought that the first time with Cindy was just a flash in the pan but no I was wrong.

#LoveIs – was the topic they preached about every Sunday of that month. I learned that human love is convenient, it suits the needs of the person at the time and works into his schedule. But Gods love is eternal, come and go as you wish He’s always there. Human love is limited it can love only as much as it wants to give but Gods love is unlimited, He has ample amounts of love. Human love is emotional, feelings dominate a human’s love. God’s love is committed, His love is a deeper and more secure than the fluctuating Ferris wheel of feeling.

Theo wanted forgiveness, he understood that I had to let him go. All he wanted was forgiveness and for me to keep him around. This is a lot to give to someone who played you while you were a hundred percent loyal. With all things said and done, I decided to forgive him but by that, I had to move on without him. To make peace with everything I asked how and why it happened. He told me everything and to make things worse he kept calling me Rosie.

I wanted to hate him but I couldn’t, the love I had for him covered all the hate. Love can be painful sometimes, even if it hurts you still forgive. I would think to myself, how am I going to move on with my life when Theo is my life. Doesn’t make sense right? “All things come to an end”, I don’t know where I heard that from but I probably read it somewhere. I consoled myself with those words over and over again.

I know I’m not perfect but I wouldn’t cheat on someone I loved. I still ask myself even now about what was going through his head. What was the main reason of all this? It can’t be a mistake, I mean that’s a pretty lame excuse. When things like this happen to you, you tend to wonder if people do love you when they say they do. Theo and I are not married but that doesn’t give him the right to break my heart.

I tried to move on, countless times but I kept on going back to Theo.

That’s the problem with always following a routine, your mind and body gets programmed that you can’t stop doing certain things. We would have sex every time I went there, I don’t know if I should call it lustful sex or casual sex. It was probably lustful sex because I would regret it after doing it. I got tired of this routine so I decided to change it a bit. I started working out. Don’t get me wrong, my body was awesome and all that but a little exercise wouldn’t hurt anyone.

I would work out every day of the week and it felt good. I healed bit by bit so I decided to write a story about my love for Theo which I thought would inspire people out there. Breakups are not the end of the world, you can still pick yourself up and carry on. I kept Theo at arms-length; I thought it would disturb my healing. I would pray for him more than I prayed for myself. I would mention Cindy and Rosie too. Sometimes it’s easier to deal with certain situations when you got God by your side. I was coping so I decided to go see if Theo was too.

My first visit was horrible; Theo had hurt himself, I guess we deal with problems differently. It scared me to death and I felt like it was my fault. I should’ve forgiven him and carried on with our relationship. Maybe I had jumped the gun a little too quickly. This whole thing could be fixed and it all depended on me. I had to think fast but I couldn’t. I couldn’t carry on with our relationship. It felt like I was forced to get back together with him but by who?

Before I could make my decision, all the “what ifs” came sprinting in my head. What if he cheats on me again? Even if we get back together it wouldn’t be for the both us but for him. Theo made me promise that I would keep him around. How am I going to move on while I still hung out with him? That’s what ruined our relationship in the first place, him hanging out with his exes.

I felt like I was being selfish but no, I wasn’t, I’m not like that. I just had to keep my dignity. I would go and see him from time to time but he would complain that it wasn’t enough. My family started to see changes and this made them happy. I started chatting to Jack and told me he got my numbers from my cousin in Limpopo. He was good and he just wanted to know how I was. I couldn’t tell him that I broke up with my so called boyfriend, that I left him for.

I told him that I was awesome and he believed me. He would call me from time to time like he used to while we were dating. You know chats with your exes just bring back a lot of memories. I missed him so much. He told me he still had feelings for me and he wanted me back. Well this was my chance to fix things and move on. I still had feelings for him too but it was too soon. Everything about love and boys was stored far away in a vault somewhere in my brain. I told him that I was okay with the way things were. He understood and he was okay with everything. We would talk about everything except our love lives. He didn’t ask anything about Theo and so I also didn’t ask.

My life was great and the love I received from my family was awesome. Everything went well till Theo decided to come to my house. Hell broke loose, my aunt disliked Theo so much that she made it a huge thing. She even caused a scene for that matter. Although it was quite a sweet visit, Theo wanted to tag along with me to church but my aunt didn’t want to know. She kept on shouting and cursing as if she was possessed.

Well, all that came to pass and Theo explained to me that he lost his phone that’s why he decided to come to my house. I understood, although it was a bit extreme for him to come to my house. He knew how crazy and overprotective my family was. I love Theo dearly but I’m moving on, I told myself.

I do visit him when I can and I do believe that he will move on when the time is right. Decisions are hard to make but once you make them you’ll soon understand why they had to be made. Although I’m not ready for new love anytime soon, I still believe that I’ll fall in love again in the future and meet my God-sent-better-half and live happily ever after.
The End

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