He was born and things became even harder for me. There was no chance for me to go to school. Everyone was too busy to assist. I had to wait until he grew and and I could take him to preschool before I could go back to school. I continued my school-work, but I was not a teen any more. I had to watch teenagers enjoying their time. Time was ticking. After school, I would rush and collect him from school. I no longer had spare time for me! Did I do this to myself? Nope, I didn’t. Life was getting harder. I had less time for my books as I had to take care of the baby.

My end-of-year report came back negative; why does it seem like this year is a curse to me? I asked myself. He was grown now and there was not so much work to do for him. My life was getting normal again.

I repeated my grade with passion to finish my school and build a better future for me and my son. The father wasn’t in my mind any more, I never wasted any moment thinking about him. Life was good for him and I wished him the best. He had nothing to worry about, no stress if he was hungry or what.

Midyear exams came and I was fully committed. The guy came back to me and said, “I’m sorry. I was scared that I was going to be a father.” What was I supposed to do? He was the father of my child. I was raised by my both parents and we were happy that way.

“You have a nerve! After all that you did to me?” I asked him.

“I know I was wrong and I was a boy that time, I’m a grown-up now,” he said.

“So you think I didn’t miss my chance of being a teenager, walking around and having fun?” I asked.

“I know I changed your life a lot and there is no turning back. I know that and I ask that you forgive me,” he said.

After the trauma I went through and now that he was ‘grown up’ he wanted to be part of his life? Isn’t that confusing to a child? He had never seen a person called a father in his life before suddenly he had one.
“I don’t know, man, I will think about it,” I said to him. I was in the middle of exams and someone just came unexpectedly and expected me to change my mind? He brought back old wounds to me. He would have to wait for me to finish.

Weeks later, he came back about his proposal. “I’m still waiting?” he said.

“What do you think I am? A programmable machine that change codes whenever you want?” I asked. I was angry that day. Me suffering all alone and someone just coming by asking for forgiveness wasn’t fair. May God forgive me, I couldn’t do it. I will explain to my son when he’s old enough to understand the situation, I thought to myself.

“I don’t blame you for your anger towards me. If ever you feel you’re not ready to forgiving me then I would definitely understand that. I did you wrong and just hope one you can forgive me,” he said, with tears in his eyes.

“That’s better, I just hope too that one day I can forgive you, but now I don’t feel like I can.”

He left me with questions, like what happened to his social media girl?

“Aunt, remember the daddy of my child?” I asked.

“Yah, I do, how can I forget that man less!”

“He came back to me and he wants me to forgive him, and I don’t know what to do. I’m confused now,” I said, probably looking for a solution to my problem, since she was a parent to me after father died.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“I don’t know right now, when I remember the worst that happened to me, because of him, I wish not to forgive. And on the other side I’m afraid that my child will grow without a father. What kind of a man will he be after the absence of fatherhood in his life?” I said, tears in my eyes.

“Any man can accept you together with the child if he truly loves you, and that daddy is just a waste of time,” she said.

She left me with questions too.

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