Since my mom passed on I converted my grief to a kind of music. I used it as a substitute art to try to pick myself up. Music – I gave it my mother’s place. What I was listening to took over her role of being a teacher to me. But bad things came with it.

I began smoking marijuana and started rapping. Whilst some were bullies, others were comedians, and others were smart. I was the hip hop dude.

[I started high school in 2002 and graduated in 2006. On 11 December, when I finished matric, I got my first official job at Steers Musgrave – as a runner. Dude, I ran up and down. I was sent inside the restaurant and then around the shopping centre too. I loved being a runner, not being called a waiter.]

The jokes went from those smart vulnerable ones, the victims of classroom haters of good grades. I loved my class mates. I nearly had a real fight with one of them… but the bell went off in time. That dude is now married. I saw him with a ring. Can you believe it?

I’m still trying to make girls understand me. But they confuse me with this wedding thing, that was, until I lost my job. Now, I’ve ended up not marrying anyone. If I’d just had lobola everything would have been over and done with. It’s hard trying to save money to marry someone. I could have easily had money for lobola. But this white wedding thing can make you commit suicide. Especially if you had to marry someone who was a mistake for you. And then discovering that soon afterwards.

It’s easy to have lobola if the woman I love is not who I think she is. My child doesn’t have anything to do with it. He doesn’t get affected in his life. He’s just going to do the adding and subtracting. Only. Nothing else.

Tell us: The author says It’s easy to have lobola if the woman I love is not who I think she is. Do you agree?