I’d hate to go back to hospital… but I’m not afraid to speak about it anymore. Ask yourself, why would I say this. How on earth can I tell a story about me being in such a place?

Every morning I had an interview with the psychologist. Two words: Khuli Chana. I haven’t watched the DVD that he released yet. But this became a project similar to one of his albums. You can even call it a movie because it was out in cinemas. Khuli became my hero. How can you be in trauma and try to hide your healing from it? I could easily have another because I won’t share the story. Tell people that I was in a hospital ward together with people who were afraid to face the world.

Afraid because of the mishaps in our lives. These made us unfortunate. There’s a lot of us.

When was the time you thought about taking your own life? Committing suicide? These kinds of thoughts visit your mind when you hide things. Stressful situations mostly cause depression when you keep them to yourself.

Was I fortunate because I didn’t own a gun? I won’t lie, for a time I didn’t touch alcohol. At all. However, when I realised I couldn’t complete my second year, my whole world came crashing to the ground. I had a plan of my own, I bought a tiny portion of whisky. I thought this could get me drunk enough for me to not feel the pain, then I decided to cut myself. I didn’t know where I wanted to hurt myself, maybe on my wrist. But I couldn’t go through with it, I was scared. That’s when I came back home. I became sick again. It became a seasonal thing, ever single year.

I didn’t just get admitted to hospital, I also had morning meetings with the doctors – those professors of the mind. They checked on me, to make sure I was OK, that my mind wasn’t short circuiting. This means having a vein bust in your brain (an electronic way of thinking about the biology of the human mind).

Later in 2011 I began a new life. I got employed at Nandos. This was my third shot at the food industry. I used to motivate myself with Tupac’s quote, “You only get three chances in life, watch the signs”.

So I went two times to work at Steers, for the same employer but at two different stores. Now, this was my third and last chance. I had to keep that in mind. And, the saying ‘do it right the first time’ nearly turned me into a robot.

I told myself I won’t excuse my mistakes, ones that take over for the next four years of my restaurant life. One after the other…

It all started by me saying all I wished for is to make music. What came after was a huge blessing of having a job. Debt. Not one, not two. It became a bad habit I inherited it in my genes. So it was quite a number of times before I realised I was in trouble. I needed to take control over my mind before they classified me as mentally unfit.

My first year in college was a success. I won. The following year began I didn’t know what to do, so I went back. But I could only speak about music, the technical side this time around is for the guys who adore and live for music. Like Djing. Since they had equipment and guys who owned a laptop, I thought I was getting one, until they told me that was for last year. A bad start. That was my weather forecast for the year.

The more trouble I had the more I needed to handle my own situation. But I couldn’t say “please can you help me” to anyone. I can’t tell you today that that was the right move. But even now in my neighbourhood I still feel the same way. And I live my life that way. The only difference is now I’m closer to my family. But in those days I swallowed my grief and thought that I was alone in this world.

Tell us: What music genre do you enjoy listening to?