Loving her came at a cost. It was never smooth sailing, literally speaking. Every five minutes we fought. I was not afraid to hurt her feelings, and so is she not afraid to escalate my feelings and agitation and frustration. In my single days I thought being in love meant perfectionism, constant feelings of euphoria, and romance. That school of thought, on the other hand, came from experiences which someone explained as a mere sum of failed trails. Now it all came to my senses that it was a pure guess based on experience with relationships and not love, the idea that couples should focus on cuddling and romance in order to have a stable, long lasting relationship.

To my surprise, I was wrong. Actually, that was just a fantasy of some sort. Sometimes she worked on my nerves; her decisions were not congruent with mine, but every single time I was with her I just felt complete lacking nothing. I could go on for days as this is merely a reflection of what we have.

I am not a wordsmith. In the words of Nicki Lauda in the movie Rush he said, “Happiness is an enemy because suddenly you have something to lose”. Contrary to that, happiness is contentment, sense of peace and firmness. When you’ve found what you were looking for, do you continue looking? Or do you just seize the day and grab hold of that which belongs to you. Certainly every man protects what’s rightfully his. The way she loves me is remarkably astounding as I never encountered that degree of love before. Iron sharpens iron, so a man, his friend. It took the love I never had, patience and understanding of the man I was becoming as the result of how much she loved me. True love changed us; we are never the same after we encounter it.

As we grew muscular in love, we started encountering severe situations. I recall for two weeks after staying together that capital for food was a scarcity, and sometimes we had just enough for the night. We were living from day to day, fighting, disagreeing. One could swear we were doing it deliberately; however, it was worth it at the end of the day. It was an experience seeing her upset, with no hope, frustrated and annoyed at me. Saying sorry was like adding oil to the fire. I recall even thinking perhaps I should find another term that would best describe my sincerest apology to her.

Thinking about it really feels like yesterday. My emotions were stretched with the nerve-wracking moments we had. All our fights were merely harmless and stupid, probably for the most. To fully learn and understand someone might take even your whole life. Accept people who are different from you and keep in mind that there is sometimes more than one answer to a single problem.

Moreover, as we were approaching the end of our stay just before June recess 2014, it was about the end of our two week journey of staying together. It brought us even closer. She had asked me so nicely it actually melted my heart; she had a way with me, sometimes I tread lightly with my words around her. She asked me to come to her brother, Clinton’s, confirmation ceremony, since they were Catholic. I initially declined the invitation because I was scared, of course I was. Just the thought of preparing the fire prior to braaing for the Kuluse family was too much of a spotlight for me, at least I thought. I think most guys would agree with me on that school of thought.

A very good friend of mine, Nduduzo Masikane, had advised me to score some points and take this as a challenge to my gain. If all turned out well it would serve to my gain anyway. I recall watching some YouTube videos for further tips and so on. I had made up my mind and finally agreed to go. More than anything, I enjoyed myself with the family. They were so welcoming and made my visitation warm. Love is all I needed, that was which I sought, and I received so much.

Two remarks: I realised that no relationship can reach its paramount without reciprocity. We had already established trust and commitment. I have never been in love like that before. I am not talking about being in a relationship, but in love, as is described in the book of Corinthians. It is to be patient with each other, gentle and without envy. Effective communication induces a stable state within the confines of a relationship. Through it all we stood the test of time.

I had a nuisance after I could not register at University because I was in a lot of debt which I had to settle before being allowed to register. I am writing this piece while residing in Johannesburg, herself in Cape Town, still growing stronger in love, mature. Love can save a man’s life as soon as he chooses to confine and be moulded by love or be destroyed by ignorance.

In 2015 December holidays, she visited my home in Johannesburg. She stayed with us for three weeks. The only time I ever felt like leaving her was after failing to acknowledge that I was facing challenges and had to stop studying. I started harnessing my writing skill, which for many was not impressive, but it was my goal not theirs, so this is life.

Tell us: Can you relate to that kind of love?