Chris aimed at Sphe, who was at the door, and I couldn’t help but scream and cry. As I was crying and begging him to stop what he was doing, he pointed the gun at me and asked me why I was crying for another man. I was in shock and couldn’t respond.

Without hesitation, Sphe tried grabbing the gun from him. They wrestled for the gun until Chris managed to push Sphe to the ground and, as I ran towards Sphe, I heard a bang. I wondered who had been shot only to find out that it was me, right on the side of my stomach. I don’t recall feeling a thing but I do recall hitting the ground with my entire body, and the lights going out.

I woke up and the first thing I saw was Sphe holding my hand and looking like a hot mess. My entire family was there and everyone was too emotional for my liking.

“You guys look like hell,” I said and felt excruciating pain after an attempt at laughing at the clownish-looking people around me.

No one was mad at me for insulting them, instead I received a lot of hugs and kisses from them all. Apparently, I had been in the hospital for over a week. When I asked them about how my baby was doing and where Chris was, the room became dead silent. Silence really does say a lot. I had never felt so much sadness, not for Chris but for my unborn baby. I politely asked to be left alone and everyone else respected my wishes, but Sphe just stood there. It was only when I began screaming and yelling for him to get out that he realised I seriously wanted to be left alone. I called the nurse to ask her to get rid of anyone who wanted to see me and she politely told me that she would make that happen and if I needed anything I should just buzz and she would be with me as soon as she could.

I was on an emotional rollercoaster and I was bitter without a doubt. My soul was dark and it was a feeling I want not even my enemy to experience. I had been through a lot of pain in my lifetime but this pain, the heartache I felt, I didn’t know if I could cope with it. I felt weak and broken and the only logical thing I could have done at that point was to cry myself to sleep.

I was discharged three days later and Sphe was there to pick me up and take me home. When I got home all I wanted to do to silence my emotions was drink and drug myself to the point of no return. I did just that. Drinking became a norm and it helped, in a way, because I felt sane when I was intoxicated, I felt like I could continue with normal life and pretend I was okay and coping. My wine bottle and I became best friends.

You know that feeling of being disconnected, that feeling that drives your mind insane because your soul is somewhat pure but your state of mind is anything but? I was in that phase without a doubt. I had obtained my insecurities from childhood and little did I know how drastic the result would be in future. I didn’t know how to love myself enough to walk away from someone toxic, which was nearly the death of me.

Sphe continually checked up on me and was a regular in my awkwardly silent home. The place on its own traumatised me and I would freak out every time I heard a loud noise. As Chris was in jail, I thought of him and the thoughts weren’t of pity. They were thoughts of how my life could have turned out if he hadn’t made his way in it.

Tell us: How do you think you would’ve reacted if you were in Lebo’s position?