I think I was pissed just a tad too much, but I couldn’t resist thinking of how dead I was inside because I had been living under a man’s shadow and I had never experienced freedom and life because of that. Now I knew he was with someone else, I just couldn’t seem to put my finger on who dared to entertain my man after what I had done to his so-called employee when I found out that the late night projects were, in actual fact, her pleasing my man. I had to set an example somehow, before the entire office took me for an idiot. I was not one for violence but some of Chris’s violent behavior towards me must had rubbed off. I am aware that Chris’s violence was no excuse for my unruly behavior, and I am responsible for my own actions, but that woman deserved a beating! She was fully aware that Chris was with me and knew me very well. She was even a guest in my house, my house!

I decided to go and party and after seeing how turned up people were at the club I was passing, I went in. The night was young and I had some unleashing to do so I was definitely going in. I had my long, black coat and on top of my sexy, red lingerie. I put on my dark purple matte lipstick, which made me look like a badass, and I had my black LV bag and shoes. You’d swear I had intended to party because I was looking way too sexy and my weave was cooperating pretty well. Messy never looked any better, I tell you.

As I was walking into the club with the confidence I only had when I was tipsy, I heard a familiar voice just by the entrance calling my name. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw my ex, Sphesihle, walking towards me. He was looking fine. He gave me a long hug, held my hand and walked towards the VIP section without uttering a word. I recall having a few flashbacks of the amazing times we had together before life happened, before he moved to the United States. Then I remembered how broken I was when he left, but there was a part of me that was glad he was going to be traveling across the country, far away from our hopeless neighbourhood, and that he’d get the opportunity to study abroad in one of the best institutions in the United States.

Sphe was just one of those kids who seemed to have it figured out. Unlike me, he grew up in a stable home with both his parents who supported him in everything. You’d see them in every school event cheering him on as he participated in most of the activities. It was that way in college as well, even when he didn’t do as well as he would have loved to in his projects: to his parents, it didn’t matter, they supported him none the less. You’d always see them giving him words of encouragement when he seemed upset about ‘underachieving’. His idea of underachieving was what most kids considered a great achievement. I could never seem to understand why he was actually fond of me, though: a confused girl who just seemed awkward, yet loud, as if she was trying, subconsciously, to overcompensate for what she lacked – stability and proper guidance.

I came from a family with no father figure. In my family I was expected to figure it out myself and I wasn’t given the ideal privilege of being open about my experiences in life. As a millennial, I couldn’t possibly have reached my fullest potential when I couldn’t even receive proper guidance from home, regarding the mostly confusing circumstances of the constantly evolving world, so how could I not have made certain mistakes in life?

Tell us: What do you think of Sphe entering Lebo’s life once again?