I woke up and my feelings caught up to me. I was okay but I felt like I had to be home. I couldn’t run away from the fact that ngonakele (I was messed up) and I had to go home to my family and make amends where necessary. I then called my mother to ask if I could visit and she was glad to hear from me after some time. I told her that I wanted to be home and she suggested I come over to her house before we went home. I packed my stuff and left the estate. We weren’t heading to the city but we were heading home, emakhaya (back home in the villages). There was something about our home in the rural area that made me feel at peace.

When I got home I was welcomed with a lot of love by everyone. I noticed how together and okay I was when I was there. I spent time regaining my strength because life in the city was hectic and there is no time to centre yourself there. I thought of Sphe a lot but I needed to disappear for a while. My family and I bonded and I had never been that close to them before. For a change we seemed like a family, and what I think healed me from my bad experiences is their love and support and them not judging me for what I had gone through.

Before I left the rural area my grandmother told me how the journey to self-discovery is not an easy one, just as the journey of forgiving yourself is hard, but how vital it is to forgive the past and to find it in your heart to move on.

“Everyone needs love,” she said, and told me what I needed to hear, which was that if we carried on with our ways, we would grow to become miserable human beings as life would eventually become meaningless.

I couldn’t help but think that I had to speak to Sphe. I had to see him as soon as I could.

I drove to Sphe’s house as I recalled him mentioning his address to me and I found him deep in thought. I could see him through his sliding door. I knocked and he seemed surprised to see me just standing there. He opened the door and showed me in. We stared at each other for a while.

“Sphe…I uurhm, how are you?” I asked, uncertain of what to say to.

He asked me where I had been and why my phone was off and I then told him I went to the farm to be with my family. After being silent for a while he walked up to me and kissed me on the lips. He looked at me.

“Lebo, I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you the way I should have, I’m sorry I had so much pride and didn’t tell you how I felt, how I still feel about you..”

Before he could finish I kissed him back.

“No, don’t blame yourself for my mistakes, I’m the one who had issues I failed to deal with, I’m the one who allowed myself to go through what I went through, it wasn’t your fault,” I explained.

He used his arms to bring me closer and gently kissed me on my lips and looked at me. He held my hand and we walked towards his bedroom.

I unbuttoned my shirt and my tiny figure was revealed. He smiled and blushed, I swear it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I slowly unbuttoned his white shirt and, my oh my, I didn’t realise the good shape this guy was in. Damn! I was about to get laid, and with that sexy thing!

He kissed me slowly and I felt my body agreeing with everything he was doing to me. Then he unzipped my long skirt so he could see my cute butt. He held me close to him and I felt him against me. It excited me in so many ways. He carried me and laid me on his bed and continued to kiss me. I hesitated going down on him because I didn’t want him to think I was a slut. and end up mistreating me or making me feel like one. But there was this look he gave me, signalling that I should do whatever I wanted. I kissed him everywhere and then I went down on him. Then he kissed me gently on the lips. He touched me and I was definitely ready for him. He kissed my neck and my breasts, continuing further down on me, and the rest, good people, is great history.

Tell us: Do you think Lebo moved on too soon, maybe she needed more time to heal?