Today I cried! I cried like a little girl who was left behind by her mother. I cried because I couldn’t turn to my own mother. I cried because I’m a mother. I cried because I was mad as hell.

I decided to swallow my pride and give the man I once planned to spend eternity with, a ring. It was not an easy thing to do as we were not on speaking terms. I tried my very best to have a civil conversation with him, but to my dismay we ended up fighting.

All I did was ask how he slept at night knowing he doesn’t do shit for his child. As always he told me one lie after another and ended up dropping the phone on my ass. Well at least I tried to be the bigger person. The question I always ask myself is why the hell did it take me nine full years to realize that it just wasn’t meant to be? I must have been drunk in naivety.

It was the summer holidays in the middle of November when we met. I had come home from varsity. As usual I went to see my good friend Mfezi who did not stay far from my home.

She was with her then boyfriend, Phusko. Phusko and I had never met; we conversed several times over the phone when I called Mfezi. He was a cool guy.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Nozi. Mfezi has told me a lot about you,”

I was wondering what she could have told him about me. Could she have told him about the guy who played me big time, who happened to live in same neighborhood as Phusko? Of course she couldn’t have told him that. I mean that’s private stuff between us girls.

That day ended with Phusko and I hitting it off. Mfezi was happy her best pal was getting along with her man.

One Sunday Phusko invited us to a party in his neighborhood. I was reluctant about going because parties weren’t really my scene as I didn’t drink. But I wanted to have fun so off we went.

At the party I met several of Phusko’s friends who all tried to hit on me. Men are always intrigued by a new face. I wasn’t interested and I didn’t entertain their advances.

There was this one dude I hadn’t met. He was tall, light in complexion and quite handsome too, he caught my eye immediately.

“Hello Nozi,” he greeted as he joined us at our table.

He knew my name! Maybe Mfezi revealed more than she should have to her boyfriend, I thought.

“You know my name though we’ve never met, creepy,”

“Mfezi has told me a lot about you, so it was a matter of putting the face to the name,”

Cocky. There’s nothing I love more than a confident man.

His name was Muzi, an architectural student. And the way he talked about his studies made me realize he was a geek; another pointer.

Even though I was enjoying my chat with Mr Architect, it was getting late and I had to get home. I had never stayed out that late before and I didn’t want to worry my parents.

Phusko and Mr Architect walked me home. We said our goodbyes but Mr Architect wasn’t going to let me go just like that. He asked for my number and I refused to give it to him.

“You know Nozi, we could stand here all night and you can get into trouble with your parents, you choose,”

“Phusko say something, I mean this is your friend,”

“Askies Nozi, andiy’ngeni,”

It was getting really late and I didn’t want to upset my mum more than she probably already was.

I eventually gave in and gave him my number.

“Enkosi Miss Durban,”

I was studying in Durban at the time so that’s probably where the Miss Durban nonsense came from.

The next morning my phone beeped. It was a text message from him.

Morning Beautiful, I hope khange ugxoliswe kokwenu.

Before I could reply to the message my phone rang.

“Hello Miss Durban,” Mr Architect said on the other side.

“Hello,”

“How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby,”

“I hope you didn’t get in trouble hey,”

“No I didn’t. My parents know I’m a responsible person,”

“Anyway I hope you didn’t forget about our date today,”

“Excuse me, what date? I don’t know about any date,”

He sensed that I was freaking out from my tone and then he replied calmly.

“No I’m just pulling your leg man. But I really would like to come and see you today if you don’t mind,”

“Eer well I’m kind of busy today, some other time maybe,”

“Come on Miss Durban, I won’t take much of your time. I will just come by to say hi then go back home,”

Mistake number one – I gave in. I didn’t want to come across as too available so I said it was fine he could come over to see me. But I emphasized that it must be snappy as I had a really busy day.

I didn’t have a busy day. When he came over to see me I felt… happy. We started hanging out from that day and our meetings became more frequent.

This one time he finally had the balls to tell me he liked me. I wasn’t ready for a relationship because I had just come out of a shitty situation. So I told him we should just remain friends.

“Listen Miss Durban, I have enough friends and I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your boyfriend,” he said frankly and I was charmed.

I was quite smitten. How could I not be! The brother was fine. But the problem was; I was shit scared that I was going to get hurt again.

Without warning, he kissed me. A deep passionate kiss that took my breath away.

When, eventually, we stopped, I was blushing with embarrassment. I couldn’t even look at him, so I turned and ran home. I left him standing there.

I ran like a little child who was trying to escape a spanking after being caught stealing sugar. I ran and ran and didn’t look back until I got home. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve ran and never looked back.

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