Being the baby of the family meant sharing had never been my thing.

Those were the grounds we got back together on. I told Muzi to fix the mess he had created because I was not prepared to share his ass. It’s okay, I’m fine with being selfish. Other people can share – but not me.

I went home after some time that morning and I got there just in time. My parents were still asleep they didn’t see that I had slept out. He called during the day and the SMSs he sent were endless. I went back to Durban and things were a bit tense even though I had forgiven him. Trust was broken and he had to work damn hard to earn it again.

I came back in town again for the winter holidays and we were lovey-dovey again. We were both adamant to work things out and we were slowly getting back to “us” again. The school holidays were over and I had to go back to varsity again.

A couple of weeks later, after I’d been back from PE, I noticed that I was late but I dismissed what my sixth sense was telling me. I convinced myself that it couldn’t be. I told myself that maybe my cycle was changing and that everything would return to normal again. Plus I was losing weight which is the opposite of what happens when someone is in a situation.

I was beginning to feel things that were unfamiliar with me. My body was acting strange and I just couldn’t make sense of what was happening. I shared my concerns with my good friend Nobz.

“No my friend it can’t be, I mean you’re losing weight. There has to be another explanation,”

Then she asked me, “What does your sixth sense tell you? Coz as Oprah always says, the sixth sense never lies.”

“My friend, my sixth sense says I am,”

“No maan, fuck your sixth sense it’s lying, you just can’t be,”

The next day I went to the clinic in town to do the test. The results came back positive. My biggest concern was what was I going to do? What would I tell my mother? When I finally gathered the courage to tell her – I booked a bus to PE.

When I got home I tried to be a good daughter to my parents. I was so disappointed in myself and I knew my mom would be disappointed as well.

“Mama ndinzima, I’m pregnant,” she looked at me with so much disappointment.

“Ndikubone usangena emnyango usuka e Durban ba unzima, I saw you when you walked through the door. Kaloku Nozipho ungumntanam ndiyakwazi, you are my child and I know you,”

She had called me Nozipho! That was not a good sign.

“Uxolo mama torho, ndiyayaz’ba ndikuphoxile,”

We cried. She cried and told me how disappointed she was. I cried and kept pleading for her forgiveness.

Then there was my father, who gave me the silent treatment for some time. I don’t know what hurt them more; the fact that I was pregnant out of wedlock or that I was sexually active? Eventually my dad came around. My boyfriend on the other hand was “okay” with the news. Then after some time he began to familiarize himself with the idea of becoming a father for the first time.

I gave birth on a Saturday evening on the twelfth of March the following year. Both my parents were there for me; excited to see their grandchild. I gave birth in my parent’s bedroom while waiting for the ambulance. My daughter was adamant from birth.

When I saw that little person in my mother’s arms I couldn’t believe my eyes. Not only was she the most beautiful and adorable thing I’ve ever seen, but she was just magical. A human being that I was responsible for bringing on planet earth.

That evening I felt feelings that I can never begin to describe in words. That sight was just godly. I mean, already the little diva was sucking her thumb.

She had already been given a name by my seven year old niece, way before she was born. I remember when I was still pregnant; my niece asked me if I was going to have a boy or a girl. When I told her I’m having a girl, she said I should give her the name Zizipho.

So when she finally graced us with her presence, she was named Zizipho-zenkosi Khanya. Though I rarely use the name Khanya, I always say Khanya njengenkwenkwezi. Indeed she is a shining star. My very own shining star. On cloudy days, she is always my shining star.

I don’t know what it is, but it has become a norm that when people have a child together they always talk marriage. It’s like people are trying to fix a mistake or something. I think it’s the way we were programmed while growing up.

Well, my baby daddy and I were not exempt to the norm either. While I was still pregnant we talked about marriage. We even talked about eloping but I would never disrespect my parents like that. Then we decided that we would both finish our studies then get married later on.

Well things were all rosy. Or so I thought.

***

Let’s chat: Would you get married for love or just to do the right thing?