With the ice finally broken, mom and I talked about what happened, and I was finally able to ask how Gift was doing. Mom told me Gift was fine and he was staying at his dad’s place, scared to come back because he thought I hated him. Gift didn’t yet know that it was Pumpkin who stole the money but my big brother knew, mom had told him and they had decided to let me be the one to tell Gift. I called my big brother and apologised.

“It’s okay, mistakes happen, you didn’t know, but please don’t ever react like that to any situation again, you’re gonna kill someone and end up in prison,” my brother said.

Gift returned home. He had a bandage around his head and a plaster on his broken nose. He was afraid of me; he didn’t want to be near me or alone with me in any room. When the three of us were in our bedroom, I asked Lars to excuse us and Gift tried to leave the room, too.

“Gift, don’t leave, I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to apologise,” I pleaded.

He turned around and stood by the open door, ready to run out at any moment. I sat down on my bed, as far from him as I could be so he would feel a bit safe. Then I told him about Pumpkin and how sorry I was. Tears streamed down his face as I talked, I tried to let tears out too to show him how sorry I was but nothing came out; I had reached my crying limit for that month. After apologising profusely, I pulled out two hundred rand from my pocket, money I had begged mom for so I could do more than just say sorry to Gift. I asked him to take it as part of my apology and he didn’t.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to give me money. I understand that you made a mistake and I forgive you,” he said, wiping the tears off his face.

“Please, just take it, if you really forgive me you’ll take it because this is the only thing I can do to feel a little better about myself,” I begged.

He didn’t want to take it, but I begged him until he took the money from me.

A year later, I still haven’t forgiven myself for what I did to Gift. He was still afraid of me, I was still afraid of myself, and the rest of my family was also afraid of me except for Pumpkin and Lars. Pumpkin still stole, and Lars was still big and strong as fuck. Nothing would stop Pumpkin from stealing, not even hidings from her mom and grandma, and I was afraid that if I touched her I’d lose it like I did with Gift and I’d kill her. So, to make things easier on myself, I stopped saving change.

Tell us: Have you ever misjudged someone and done something you regretted because of it?