I clicked on the video and saw that it was me and Thami in his home, having sex. I look at my mother who is sleeping beside me and back at the video, tears sliding down my cheeks. When I don’t reply Buhle sends another text.

Buhle: I’m sorry

I open the class group chat and I’m bombarded by the hundreds of messages from people at school.

She slept with Thami for a few clothes and junk food sies

You are a disgrace to us girls

You hide behind your books, kanti you sleep around

I wonder what Thami saw in you, poor girl

You slept for clothes sies

Focus on your books

I’m sure you seduced Thami wena, he wouldn’t have slept with a hobo like you

The texts carry on and on making me cry even more.

When I arrive at school the next day all the kids are looking at me like I’m disgusting. Some whisper as if I can’t hear them saying that I am cheap and that I slept for clothes. Some laugh when I pass by making me wish I hadn’t even come to school.

“Don’t mind them.” Buhle says to me and leads me to class when all I want is to lock myself in a toilet and cry or just wake up from this nightmare.

Thami ignores me all day as if I don’t mean a thing to him, which hurts so much more than all the gossip.

When it’s time to go home I don’t even wait for Buhle to come out of her class, I hurry home, and cry till there are no more tears left.

Once I feel like I have had enough I cook supper and make sure to hurry back to bed where tears just fall on my cheeks without any effort. To think that all of this started with me wanting someone to love. If I knew that it would end like this, I wouldn’t have wanted someone to love.

***

Tell us: Have you ever gone through a very difficult break up with someone that you thought you loved?