I look at myself in the long broken mirror and turn to look around my small room that I don’t like very much. There is a single bed opposite the window and a bucket full of laundry that still needs to be washed. I sink down on my bed trying not burst into tears. I have always wished for a better life, to be far away from these smelly streets that is filled with loud music coming from mam’ Thembi’s tavern, which is just few blocks away from where I’m staying.

“Lwandle.” My mom shouts on the other side of the shack, I’m sure she is in the kitchen. I open the door from the bedroom and walk into the kitchen finding my mother unpacking the groceries which is not much, but at least we’ll sleep having something in our stomachs.

“Sawubona mama.”

I start helping my mother with the groceries.

“How was school?” she asks putting the canned beans in the cupboard.

“It’s fine.” It’s really not though. I am always laughed at for focusing on my books and not being beautiful enough.

I’ve always wanted to be approached by a guy who will tell me he loves me and that I’m beautiful, but all the guys don’t bother giving me a second look because I come from a bad part of town and living in a three room shack. The guys always make me feel like I’m not worthy to be loved.

Mama would always tell me to focus on my books and not care about the guys. When I’m educated and successful then I can focus on guys. I wish I could believe her. But I wish I was also asked out by a guy.

“That’s good. I’m going to nap a little bit,” she says going into our room.

I know she will still be tired when she wakes up so I start making our supper. At least cooking makes me forget that I’m the odd one out at school and that I have never shared my first kiss with a guy. Buhle would always tell me how amazing it is to date, of course she would think like that. Every guy wants her. She is the most beautiful girl at school and she knows it.

I wonder what it feels like to be wanted by so many guys, even though she would tell me it’s not always nice, but I doubt it. Buhle is beautiful with her curves, beautiful smooth face and confidence that she always has. While I’m a slender and not even close to her beauty. Buhle would always tell me that I’m also beautiful, it’s just that I don’t realise it.

I know she is saying all those things to make me feel better. She will never understand what I’m going through.

***

Tell us: Have you ever felt out of place? Who was there to lift your spirits?