Shortly, after we got to Kovsie Health I became hysterical and threw things around because I felt like nobody seemed to understand what I was going through. A few minutes later I was fetched by ER24 and they transported me to Universitas National District Hospital where I got admitted upon arrival.
This day was just scary. Doctors came in and out, Jules was with me throughout this journey. I met psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors. The decision was made, to take me to a psychiatric hospital. Apparently I was a high risk patient and a danger to myself. Immediately when I got discharged from National District Hospital, I was sent to Free State Psychiatric complex. I hated the place even before I got there. I did not understand why people thought I needed help when I did not.
After admission to the ward, I was assigned a room. The hospital was not anything like I imagined. We had a private garden, a television room, a dining hall and a music room with a piano. We could play games like scrabble and puzzles. The routine was never boring; we would wake up, have a shower, breakfast at 08:00, have our medication immediately after, go to occupational therapy and then after lunch we would have doctors and psychologists rounds. I stayed there for almost four weeks after being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Anxiety.
It was after this whole ordeal that I realised that I did not want to die. I was simply tired and broken and needed some mending to get back on track. It was through this experience that I realised that people who commit suicide do not actually want to die, but that they simply needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to them and not someone to make them feel worse than they already do. If something as simple as psychotherapy and antidepressants can help someone like me, then it can help someone else too.
I was that person who attempted suicide twice within a period of two weeks, someone who believed they did not need any help or someone who believed that nothing or no one could help them. I now realise that I was in denial and I was so very wrong.
You do not have to resort to a permanent solution for temporal problems. There is help out there. There is someone ready to help you. Your life matters. Your story continues. Trust me, I am a living testimony; living with both Depression and Anxiety… and my story continues.
***
Tell us: Was there ever a time in your life when you really needed help, but you were in denial?