As I celebrated my acceptance letter, my mom and sister were conspicuously absent. They didn’t acknowledge my achievement, as always. They did not have to say anything, as their silence spoke volumes. I tried brushing it off, focusing on complimenting my dad’s unwavering support and my hard work. But the hurt gave me a reminder that not everyone in my family wants me to succeed. Little did I know that my excitement was short-lived. Jane quickly went out with a sly smile going to the bathroom. Surprisingly within a blink of an eye, she was back. She barely looked at me. I didn’t mind her as I’m already used to her bitterness.

It was a cloudy Sunday when I still couldn’t believe that my dreams are finally coming true. I thought I should check the acceptance letter for a minute. Boom! It wasn’t there. I went to my mail bin, but still nothing. I screamed my lungs out. They quickly rushed to my haven. Daddy asked, “What’s the matter, doll?” I couldn’t speak properly. “I…..I….can’t find…..daddy…..my acceptance letter is nowhere to be found. Daddy grabbed my laptop and looked for it, and sadly, it was indeed nowhere to be found. “Ha-ha…..Mommy, I knew it, Lizzy’s lying,” Jane said. “She didn’t get accepted anywhere.” My mom shrugged, unconcerned. “Not surprising. Lizzy’s always been a dreamer, a chance-taker. Ha-ha……”
I was so devastated when I realized what had happened. I turned to dad with tears in my eyes. “Dad, I swear I got accepted! I don’t know what happened to the letter!” My mom intervened, trying to convince my dad that I was lying. “John, you know Lizzy dull has always been prone to exaggeration, this damn attention seeker!” Daddy looked so concerned, yet out of confusion, I couldn’t notice the doubt in his eyes.

As the day’s passed, the tension at home grew. Mom and Jane continued to belittle me, and even dad, my number one supporter, started to doubt my story, to a point whereby we ended up having a heated argument. Dad said something that pierced my heart, it was the dullest day I have ever had. “Lizzy, I really want to believe you, however I need proof. Your mom and Jane think you’re lying, and I…I don’t know what to think.” I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I mean my own father, my rock, doubts me. “You’re just like them, Dad,” I said, my voice shaking. “You don’t believe me either. “Dad sighed. “Lizzy, I’m just trying to be objective here—” “Daddy, objective? Huh?” My voice rose. “You’re my father for heaven sake! You’re supposed to believe in me, I have never lied to you no matter what! I’m always transparent with you, daddy.” My dad’s expression turned cold with a frowning face. “I need to see that acceptance letter, Lizzy. Otherwise, YOU ARE ALL ALONE IN THIS GIRLY.” For a moment I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes as tears began to form. I turned and ran to my room, feeling more alone than ever.

It was Tuesday morning; the sun was bright and light. My thoughts were heavily packed in my mind. The pain in my heart was unbearable. Yet I had to fight for the sake of my future. As lumpy as I was, I had to push forward; figure things out and work hard to get the letter back. I quickly took my diary and unbuilt the complicated building I had built in my mind and heart overnight.
the storm clouds may gather
darkness may seem all around you
you may feel low and lost
at times the rain will starts to falling
as a form of healing,
off-loading and
renewing yourself.
as it is the only way to let
light prevails and transcends.
always stand tall
as no storm lasts forever

As determined as I was, I decided to follow up on my application. I contacted the university and I got an automatic email. It gave me hope. As time went by; hours became days, and days turned into weeks; weeks became a month or so. I started to lose hope, thinking that it was the end of my future.

Time went by, and still I couldn’t figure out what to do as they took long to respond. One day I went for a walk in distress. As I come back home in a tense mood. I found everyone minding their own business. I couldn’t follow what’s happening, yet I could feel the grumpy, dull moment between them. “Evening family…” Silence! “Is everything okay?” Silence! I couldn’t bear the dull moment they were having, as I already had stress regarding how to get the letter back. To prove my mom, sister, and dad wrong, as he also had doubts like Mom and Jane. I went to my haven to get some rest. I couldn’t sleep. I kept on tossing until the sun rose.

I was in my haven when I overheard Jane and Mom mumbling in the kitchen although I couldn’t hear them properly.
[“Mama, Mama, guess what? I am the one who got rid of that bloody letter; it’s a pity she’ll never find out,” Jane said, giggling. My mom chuckled. “Really? I didn’t know you were capable of such a thing, my precious daughter. Good job!! I always knew I could count on you, beautiful. How did you do that? Mama, I snuck into her room that time she was celebrating. She never saw this sticking her LOL…….]

Suddenly, I overheard my dad’s voice. Through his voice I could hear that his expression turned stern as he realized what had happened. I quickly ran to the kitchen to witness the incident. I arrived to him saying: “WOW” he said, clapping hands. “What kind of woman did I marry? How can you be that evil towards your daughter? Do you hate her that much?” Looking into mom’s eyes, “How dare you promote such evil behaviour under my roof?” Mom answered, “You know what, John?? I can’t pretend anymore. I hate Lizzy because you named her after that bloody witch called your mom. Both of them weren’t aware of my presence. She further says “I wish I could have killed your bloody Lizzy dull.” Dad said politely “I know you never got along with my mom. But why is Lizzy being punished like this? She is a kid, for heaven’s sake. She doesn’t know anything.” “I don’t care, John. I DON’T CARE!” she said.

A certain part of me was torn apart. I couldn’t stand what I have just heard. As my little world became dark, crowded, and shattered. I couldn’t breathe properly. I felt the cold darkness from outside entering my heart. My heart raced out of anger, pain and frustrations. For a moment, I felt my heart leaving my helpless body. I couldn’t move to my haven. I was shocked and traumatized. Dad turned and noticed the pain in my eyes. He was shattered as well. He took me to my haven for a nap. After an hour or so, I wake up to the letter on headboard:

To err is human and to forgive is divine,
I felt hope filling my heart, I smiled and felt a certain part of myself being regained. The letter proceeded:
I admire the effort you’ve put and the progress you’re making thus far.Through difficult moments you always conquer and become the best vision of yourself. Keep pushing forward doll; acknowledge how far you’ve came. I’m really proud of you. Daddy loves you to the core doll.

Suddenly, in a Monday morning, I woke up to great news—I was indeed accepted! This time, I made sure I print out the acceptance letter since I don’t want history to repeat itself. Later that night, during supper, I showed it to dad, tears of joy streaming down my face. Dad never said a word. He stood up and hugged me tightly. “I’ve always believed in you, Doll. Don’t let anyone ever bring you down. I know what happened to the email.” As I was about to ask him what does he mean? He continued “Now I know better, Nana. Everything is in the past. Let’s focus on the present. Not everyone in this house wants what is best for you, Nana, Daddy and Little Champ got your back at all costs. Stop crying so hard, doll. This too shall pass. You are about to live in your “God heard my prayers era.” It was a bit late and I needed some time to rest. After every storm I went through. I remember that beside Max and Dad, my rock, I had a shoulder to lean on. My diary. Out of gratitude, I decided to write a letter giving thanks to myself for not giving up and reflecting on my journey.

“Dear Doll, Nana
Regardless of the predicaments you went through, you did it!
You proved yourself right and proved them wrong.
You have revealed your capabilities, despite the doubts and criticism.
Remember the hollow of darkness you faced?
The days when you felt lost and alone?
The coldness you have rescued yourself from?
Regardless of the struggles, always embrace your scars.
Keep on shining; keep on pushing forward, although the road ahead seems uncertain.
Know that you are a warrior, a survivor, and a shining star.
Despite the pain, you transcended, and light shone upon you once more.
With love and pride,
Daddy’s doll.”