What is life all about? How are we supposed to live life? These are the questions I ask myself every day of my existence. Life has done things to me that when I think of them I wish I could turn back time. I’m sitting here today thinking of all that could have been in my life and where I had missed a road sign.

When I look around me I only see white walls. I can hear them talking to me with a loud and strong voice, “Uzenzile akakhalelwa“, meaning you did this to yourself and no one will cry for you but yourself. When I hear those words repeating all the time I shake fast, scared, sweating.

I take off all my clothes because it feels like there is a snail walking on my body and I scream aloud on top of my voice. The sound stops for few seconds and starts again “Uzenzile akakhalelwa.”

Maybe you’re confused why this is happening to me. Come; let me take you back to where it all began.

I am Anele Thole, born and raised in a village called Tsomo in the Eastern Cape. I was raised by a single parent. My mother was the most beautiful and valuable thing in my life, like I was to her, because I was her only child. She came a long way with me; she was only sixteen years old when she got pregnant with me.

She was given bad names by other parents in the village. They stopped their kids who were friends with my mother from visiting her because they said she will teach them wrong things. To them, she already was an embarrassment in the village.

Even her parents were not happy with the fact that she got pregnant at such a young age. So that left my mother with no one on her side, even my father left when he found out she was pregnant. But my mother, a strong woman that she was, rose above all those things and she didn’t let them talk her down.

She told herself she won’t hurt an innocent soul by having an abortion and she didn’t quit school. She got more and more motivated by the fact that she had a person that she was living for. She became something after that; she was a nurse in one of our local clinics.

But unfortunately a few years back she died. Since she died I also felt like a huge part of me died with her. I changed from the person I used to be and was like a walking ghost. I gave up on everything except school; I loved school so much.

I only lived with my grandparents and they were the only people that I had. They tried to play the role of being parents to me and I appreciated it a lot. But no one could replace my mother to me.

One day I was walking from school with my classmate, Thuliswa. We usual walked together with our friend Thabo, but that day we had left Thabo because he had an afternoon class. So I took it as an opportunity to tell Thuliswa how I felt about her. I had a crush on her and it had been a long time now but I was scared to tell her.

I had pressure because someone better than me might come to her first. Thuliswa was every boy’s dream girl in the village. She was beautiful, kind and she had respect. Most parents in the village liked her. So this day I had to make my move. I had been showing her signs but it was like she didn’t notice.

She was going on and on about the Maths test we were going to write the next day. I tried to get her attention but had no luck. She just wanted to know how I felt about the test. I decided to give up for the day because we were almost at my home. When I looked up at my home I got shocked to see a red Nissan bakkie standing next to the gate.

I tried to figure out who it could be but no luck. We knew no one who would drive such a bit, expensive car in our village. Thuliswa was now starting to get on my nerves because she was on the red bakkie issue.

I wasn’t listening. Who could it be? I wondered silently.

***

Tell us what you think: Do you think Thuliswa knows how Anele feels about her? Who do you think the mysterious visitor is and what do they want?