When Nozipho first moved to Cape Town, she met a lovey guy called Thando, and Thando was a gentleman. He smelled great, and had a job and an apartment. He was independent. Every time Nozipho came from job hunting, Thando would give her a foot massage and kiss her softly on the feet. He would tell her that she was his queen, and that she should not worry because she would find a post and get to do what she loved.

Thando was there for Nozipho during the rainy days. He would always comfort her, tell her that everything would be okay, and that he loved her. Even when Nozipho’s mother died, Thando was there. He held her hand and supported her through her grief. She would cry for days after her mother’s passing, but Thando did not complain, not even once. He just held her tight and sometimes even cried with her. He even stayed with her throughout the three months of mourning where he was not allowed to make love to her. He stayed and never cheated, and he loved her whole heartedly.

But this all happened before Thando lost his job, though, which was a tragedy. He was the bread winner at home, but, because the company he was working for had shut down and he was laid off, he was no longer able to provide for his mother and siblings. The company had made terrible offshore investments and lost all their pension money. Because of this, Nozipho had to move in with him and help him with rent. Thando was unable to receive any of the money that he had saved up for 12 years, and this was very hard on him. Being unemployed ruined him, and he turned to the bottle.

After being laid off, Thando would find piece jobs as a waiter, but he sometimes turned up to work with a hangover, and that affected his performance and he was eventually fired. After that, he just gave up on looking for a job all together and drank heavily. That was when things fell apart in his relationship with Nozipho. She all of a sudden stopped getting foot massages from him, and she was never asked about her day or how she was feeling. All the little things he used to do for her, things like sending her messages during the day, stopped. All he wanted was food and sex.

Even in bed, Thando and Nozipho became disconnected after he lost his job. They used to have a spiritual connection that transcended expectations and took them to another dimension, and they used to be in sync and would climax together each time. But that all changed. He used to run his finger through her hair and pull it as he entered her body. He would kiss her slowly, making his way down to her vagina, where he would spend a couple of minutes pleasing her with his tongue. She, on the other hand, would open her legs wide as a gesture saying take me, I am all yours.

During the days after Thando lost his job, sex was, to Thando, a duty that Nozipho had to carry out. He did not care about pleasing her, and he did not care if he was doing it too rough, he was just doing it to control Nozipho and satisfy himself.

During those days, coming home to Nozipho was something Thando hated doing, and even the apartment they lived started smelling like a shebeen. Nozipho even lost confidence in herself because of Thando’s actions. Every time she would try to leave him, he would manipulate her into staying by reminding her about all the good times they’d had together, and how he was there for her during her dark times. As a result, he would say to her that she now had to repay him for what he had done for her and not leave him in his dark times.

Nozipho stayed throughout all the emotional abuse that Thando subjected her to. He would tell her how much of a failure she was, and that she would never find a school. He would then tell her how she had let herself go and that no man would ever want her because of that, and that she was all his and he would do whatever he wanted with her. He believed that her body belonged to him.

Tell us: Do you think it’s fair for Thando to use his situation, no matter how bad it is, to manipulate Nozipho into doing what he wants?