Before I can finish my thought, the door opens. Blessing has plastic bags with him. I jump on them. He bought burgers for breakfast and beef for later. “Which one is mine?” I ask.

He hands it to me, along with a can of juice. “You must be hungry,” he comments.

“I am,” I say.

He sits down, facing me at the table.

“The President’s Office offered me Ruben’s job,” he tells me with a measured tone. I stop chewing instantly and stare at him in surprise.

“I don’t know how I feel about that yet,” he adds quickly. “I love being out in the field, not stuck in an office job.”

I resume eating, thinking about what to say to him. “That’s a big decision there,” I comment. He nods.

“How about we go through the pro and cons?” I offer. He seems consumed by the decision he has to make.

“Let’s start with the pros,” I say. He shifts back into his chair. I look at him, expecting him to start, but he remains quiet. It can’t be that bad.

“You get to wear a suit,” I smirk. That earns me smile.

“I think that belong to the cons list,” he says, “along with ‘I will be stuck in an office all day, every day.’”

Together, we continue to draw up the list of cons:

A ridiculous amount of paper work.

Endless boring meetings.

Politics.

No more fieldwork.

“I will have to make some big, sometimes unpopular, decisions,” he adds. He seems to have aged a few decades, just from counting the cons.

“It’s not that bad, Blessing,” I say, trying to reassure him. “This is an advancement in your career, for one, plus you’re one of the limited trusted people in this agency, and that’s what’s going to be needed after the corruption scandal hits the public. You can lead the organisation in the right direction, according to your vision. You once told me that you wanted to settle down eventually. Now you can do that, with normal working hours, and you won’t have to disappear for unknown amounts of time being undercover.”

I try to keep my emotions out of the way as we discuss this subject. Things are still delicate between us.

“But that’s what I loved about my job Alex,” he pleads. “I made a real difference out there.”

“Yes, you did, but you also lost out on a chunk of your real life too. That’s it, isn’t it? Being out there is the perfect escape for you.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he says stubbornly.

“I think you do,” I say. “When you’re undercover, you are not Lifa. You don’t feel anything. You don’t deal with any personal issues. No woman, no mother, no responsibility.”

Why doesn’t he see what a lonely life that is? I’m aware of his breathing altering. He’s getting angry, but that doesn’t stop me.

“You said I taught you how to be human again, why would you want to go back to being lonely again?” I ask him. “Is it that unbearable to feel anything for anyone? What about your mother?”

Blessing rises quickly from his chair, startling me. “I told you I don’t have a mother. Leave that alone,” he growls.

“Of course you have a mother, you did not come out of a rock, Bless. It’s obvious that you are really angry with her and I feel for her but…”

“But nothing Alex,” he snaps. “I asked for your opinion, not for a psycho-analysis on my life so, please, drop this.” His voice is menacingly quiet.

“You have to deal with it sooner or later,” I insist, refusing to give up on the topic. “It’s robbing you of your life. Don’t you see?”

“It’s your inclination to always push and push but not about this!” he shouts. “Stop it now, Alex! I don’t want to talk about it with you.” He’s leaning in on the table and his hands are clenched into tight fists.

Blessing has a temper problem, but that is another topic, which I will not and should not bring up now.

“With who then?” I push. “It’s not like you have many friends running around.”

His face falls, and immediately I regret saying anything. I wasn’t talking about John, but I know that’s what it sounded like to him.

I stand on my feet, facing him. “I’m sorry,” I say apologetically. “I didn’t mean…you know. I meant you are not exactly the most talkative person I know.”

“Yet you keep pushing,” he snarls.

“You’ve done so much for me, the least I can do is…” I don’t finish my sentence, because Blessing presses his mouth to mine.

His kiss is demanding and strong. He pins me against the cupboard and I respond to his insistence. I know he’s trying to shut me up. I could never resist the way he kisses me. I feel his body hardening against the length of mine, and I return the fervour of his want for me.

I want to help you Bless, why can’t you let me in? I think to myself.

We’re breathless when he pulls away. His eyes are blazing with heat mixed with anger. “You can never do anything that you are told, not even once without questioning,” he says. I don’t think it’s a compliment.

I smile and caress his cheek. “You somehow manage to shut me up though,” I tease, and I feel relief in his body.

“A man has to think out of the box with you, if he’s going to stand a chance of winning,” he tells me. I decide not to push him any further, for today anyway. I have never been known for my patience, or for keeping quiet for long.

We ease into the rest of the day. I help Blessing compile a report about John and Ruben and everything about the case. He sulks about having to do more paperwork if he becomes the Director of the SAI, but he likes that he could settle down and have some sort of routine.

“I’m sure your Dad would be so proud of you if he was still here,” I tell him.

He grins. “He would be. If I take this job, I’ll be the youngest Director in SAI history.” His grin broadens.

“Exactly how old are you?” I ask. He smirks at me but his eyes study me. “I just want to know how OLD you are,” I say, trying to turn it into a joke, because I don’t know what he’s paranoid about now.

He chuckles and it’s a pleasure to see. “You should ask such questions before you kiss old men,” he jabs.

“I would remember that, if old men weren’t so dazzling with their wisdom and experience,” I say. He laughs again, throwing his head back.

“Dazzling, huh?” He’s pleased. “I’d prefer to call it passing on acquired lessons to the younger generation.”

“How generous of you,” I quip.

“I feel we must, you know, especially…”

“How about answering the question?” I interrupt him.

“I am 29 years OLD,” he says, timidly.

“Still a few days left before you earn your pension grant,” I joke. We giggle together. We continue with this banter through lunch and dinner, until we eventually go to bed.

I’m itching to ask Blessing what he was sulky about last night, and why he decided to sleep on the couch, but I don’t want to ruin the light atmosphere between us. I suspect it had something to do with seeing Mark.

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow when we go see him again. I guess it will answer my question. If he sulks again then I will know for a fact that he doesn’t like seeing me with Mark.

***

Tell us what you think: Alex is in a difficult position, caught between two men. How will she get out of this situation?