The house is almost hidden by the grass. I’m sure they made it low for this very reason. Despite my anger, I don’t want Blessing to get worried. I walk back to the house.

“Bless?” I call out. “I’m sorry, Blessing.”

There’s nothing but silence in the house.

I check the bathroom, bedroom and the spare room, but Blessing is not in here. My heart starts pounding faster. What if he left after what I said to him? I go back outside.

“Blessing!” I yell, but my voice is swallowed by the empty space. “Bless…” I say, more softly this time. Tears prick my eyes. I walk back in the direction that I just came from. My head whips from side to side, scanning for any movement.

“Alex?” I hear my name, but I can’t tell where it’s coming from.

“Bless, is that you?”

“Alex, where are you?” The voice is closer now. I run back towards the house, where I see Blessing. My tears run faster. We run into each other’s arms.

“I’m sorry, Bless, I didn’t mean what I said,” I murmur in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry too,” he says, burying his nose into my hair. After what seems like an eternity, we walk into the house hand in hand. “I got worried, where did you go?” he asks, wiping my tears with his knuckles.

“I didn’t realise I’d walk out that far,” I say. “I was in my head. I’m sorry.”

He hugs me again. “I thought you’d run away after my appalling behaviour,” he says.

I smile and shake my head. “I thought you’d left me after what I said…I didn’t mean it,” I say reverently. “I’m dreading tonight and what it might mean for us.”

“I know, I am too,” he admits.

We kiss briefly, to celebrate the fact that we’re really here together.

“Why were you so angry?” I ask him. He takes a deep breath.

“I was angry at myself,” he says. “When you told me about Mark, I realised that I suddenly shut off. You spoke about your feelings for him, and about you guys being together. I just didn’t want to think about all of that, I guess. I’m sorry that I acted like a jerk.”

“Were you jealous?” I ask. Somehow, the thought pleases me.

“I have no reason to be. Mark asked me to look after you, but I turn around and feel this way about you. I betrayed him,” Blessing says softly. I realise that he is actually angry with himself.

“There are things that we cannot control Bless,” I say, trying to soothe him. “You didn’t choose to be in this situation. Also, I didn’t exactly fight you off. I didn’t want you to stop. I wanted it as much as you did. I’m not some damsel in distress you know.” I pout jokingly.

He smirks. “No, you’re not,” he laughs.

“Now will you stop beating yourself up about it, please?” I say.

We’re in the bedroom now, preparing for our mission tonight. It’s the afternoon, so there are only a few hours left before we head out.

“Blessing…” I say, patting the bed next me as an invitation for him to sit down. “I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me thus far,” I say, brushing his hand lightly. “You’ve really gone above and beyond, thank you so much”

“And thank you for reminding me how to be human again,” he says with a shy smile.

“Is it OK to kiss you?” I ask. He nods and we kiss.

Blessing tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. I scoot over onto his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. His hands slide across my back. “Alex,” he murmurs against my lips.

“Shut up, Blessing,” I murmur back, and continue kissing him.

He smiles. “I was going to say that I may not be able to stop myself this time,” he says. I pull away and look at him.

“What?” I ask. It’s not that I didn’t hear him, but his words bring back my earlier thoughts.

Blessing misunderstands my reaction. “Oh no, I didn’t mean I want to… what I meant was…” he begins to stutter.

I laugh at his faltering. Very expressively, I start kissing him again until I can feel that he wants more, and then I stop.

“I don’t want you to stop, Blessing,” I say, staring at him squarely in the eyes. I watch his face transform when he registers what I really mean.

“No way, Alex. Forget about it,” he says, using his serious cop tone.

“And why not?” I venture.

“You have to ask?” he says, sounding appalled.

“Yes, I have to ask,” I say sarcastically. “Life is not for procrastinating. It’s unpredictable and very short. Trust me, I know. Just today, you were confessing your feelings for me and I feel the same way too.”

I realise that I’ve acquired some sagacity. I’ve grown up quite a bit since this whole nightmare began, and I know what I want.

“I want you to make love to me, here and now,” I say, “and I know that you feel the same.” I press my hand against his growing manhood to prove my point. “Tonight we might be killed, so what have we got to lose?” I implore him.

“We might also come out alive,” he retorts.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” I assure him. “All I know is that I want this here and now, and I’m not postponing it, unless this is something you don’t want.” My fingers play with his ear. I stand on my feet and pull him up. I start to undo his trousers, but he stops me with his hands.

“Everything you’ve said is true,” he tells me. “I would like nothing more than to make love to you right now, but it wouldn’t be right Alex. You love Mark and you’re hurt. You’re not in the right frame of mind to be making this decision right now. I would be a monster if I let this happen.”

I listen, and I identify the sincerity in his voice.

He continues talking: “After all of this is over, if you still want to do this then we can talk, but not now.” He pulls me into a bear hug and I sob quietly, my fingers digging into his back.

“I know you’re scared,” he says, “but I promise that you will live to see people moving into the decent houses that you so bravely fought for…and perhaps one day you will thank me for this.”

We lie down together on the bed and Blessing cloaks me in his arms. I feel safe, and I wonder idly if I will actually one day thank him for turning me down.

He and Mark are a lot alike. I wonder if Blessing realises this.

***

Tell us what you think: Was Blessing right to turn Alex down? Is Alex really ready for a new relationship?