Marriage: Partnership or dictatorship?

Since marriage seems like an unexplained phenomenon, giving everyone the opportunity to attach meaning to it based on their belief systems, we are going to try to explore all the angles. The truth is that there are certain things that look simple and are taken as norms in marriage, when in fact they are forms of abuse. The painful truth is that we have belief systems that encourage such forms of abuse taken as norms.

The misinterpretation of certain quotes and sayings also does not do justice to these issues of abuse in marriages, and this leads to people getting trapped in marriages with no voice at all. The quotes/sayings mentioned above include:

1. “Husband, love your wife….wife submit to your husband”. (Ephesians 5: 25….)
2. “A woman’s place is in the kitchen”.
3. “A man is the head of the family, and Christ is the head of a man”. (1 Corinthians…11:3)
4. “Monna ke phoka, thaka or selepe”.

What does it mean for a husband to love and a wife to submit?

LOVE is not jealous, impatient, and unkind. It does not envy and neither does it keep a record of wrongs.

SUBMISSION is not being voiceless. It is not being gullible. Submission is honour and being reasonable. It is self-love and love for others, and it is self-respect and respect for others. Submission is humility, and none of the above mentioned things include being voiceless. None of them includes being cooped up in a tight space called a dictatorship marriage, when it should be a partnership.

A WOMAN’S PLACE is not in the kitchen, but on the side of her husband. I is to honour him and be a shoulder for him to lean on. To support him and be a voice of encouragement and a source of his strength.

What if I told you that a man without Christ is headless, and that since he is headless, he cannot be a head, so which is the head of a woman? Anyway, let us not go there. Let us instead look at what it means to be the head.

Does being a head mean being in control of everything?

NO is the answer.

Being a HEAD does not mean calling the shots. It does not mean being inconsiderate. It does not mean making all the decisions in a home like it is some autocratically lead company in which your wife is one of your employees. Being a head means being a loving husband to your wife, and being the greatest dad in the world to your children. It means being the one to sacrificially love your family and provide for them. That is what being a head means. It means being the voice of reason when one is needed.

“If God did not want women to have a say in marriages, He would have stricken them dumb, or He would have just made them without mouths at all”

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from the man, made He a woman.” (Genesis 2: 21&22 KJV)

Does the above quoted scripture make a man’s wife his firstborn child?

I once watched a TV show, and this other man quoted the same scripture and then said his wife was his first born child, and therefore that gave him the right to give her a whip if she made mistakes. Well, the truth is, your wife comes from your rib, and your kids from your loins. Those are two entirely different locations. A wife is a pillar (from the side), and children are a reason to press on/stand (from the waist).

The minute a husband starts feeling like his wife is his kid, dictatorship sneaks in. He will begin behaving like a boss instead of a head. In marriage, there are forms of abuse that are not looked at with a close eye, and they include:

1. Emotional abuse.
2. Spiritual abuse.
3. Financial abuse.
4. Sexual abuse etc.

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Tell us: What do you think are the roles of a husband and wife in a marriage?