Me being with you means that I would
Have to admit that love is real and I am not ready to feel yet.
Last time I did, I was left with pieces of what I thought would last.
The last time I did, I was left with memories and lessons.
You being so close is a threat to my pride, it means
I have to let you in but my walls are too high.
I am scared you won’t stay too long with all my BROKENNESS
So I’ll rather not give you a try.
Not because I don’t feel the same, honestly
I would love to stare at you every day.
Not that I don’t want commitment, how I feel about you
Is enough to keep me grounded.
I am just one who is known to love for real, it might scare you.
I am one who goes hard on loving maybe it might offend you.
Because with these kinds of feelings
We turn to think we are not deserving.
Hurting others in the process because
We are used to the toxic…that’s not me.
My love is only right for you when you’re ready,
It’s not child’s play, you should be done with games.
Falling for you is not a mistake, I own up to it.
But you saying it back to me is questionable
Since I have been the only one who has really meant it.
I am not binding you to my past, you’re way too precious.
I just want you to understand it won’t always be too priceless,
Let’s be honest.
Should I ask you?
Would you be able to love me when I am not myself?
When trauma from the past forces me to react and I lose the battle?
Would you still see me the same when you meet my demons?
Would you believe me if I told you I am fighting for freedom?
Would you stand my tears? My inability to breathe when I am speaking?
Because if you’re loving me because of what you see
Then we are already losing.
It’s not that I don’t want you, I am just wondering.
Would you allow me to love you with more wisdom?
The kind that would force you to be better or
Are you okay with being comfortable?
Are you okay with not apologising?
Are you okay with not facing the problem?
Are you okay with being unfaithful?
That’s not me!
You being with me should not give you the idea of “perfect”
Or “relationship goals” taken from pictures you’ve seen on your newsfeed.
I am not designed to reject reality, some days we won’t see
Eye to eye but I will still choose you, over and over
Till you force me not to.
Knowing that I want to be with you should not fool you,
I would leave any day if what I serve no longer fulfills you.
I would drown in my tears, I would dry my soul out from missing you
If I have to…I won’t force it out of you to choose me.
I will love you far away from you until it feels natural to.
If this is what you want, then own up to it.