It was a Friday night when I got the news
That on the coming Sunday she’ll be joining us for lunch
A staggering drunk delivered the blow
And a few more others when I refused
See, I was a loud mouth, now I was paying my dues
And what better way to teach me than with his mighty punch
It took a single strike for the blood to flow
And on that Saturday morning I woke up confused…

A gentle voice in my head told me to get up
There’s lots to prepare, work to be done
Everything must be spotless in its perfect place
Give her nothing to complain about, no flaw to pick apart
There’s washing and ironing, don’t forget the grub
If we’ll get through the weekend we must start now
So we can finally put a smile on Mummy Dearest’s face
We must prepare her favourite meal, I’m sure she’ll like that

We’ll make her very own chili sauce to marinate the meat
Roast potatoes, light and crisp just the way she likes
De-bone the meat and tenderise, like she always says
Never forget the veggies, her favourite are peas
Everything cooked perfectly, ooh what a treat
Followed by desert, I kept that on ice
She’s lucky to have a daughter like me who really cares
Now everything’s set, this time she’ll be pleased…

We laughed, we talked, smiling all the way
We ate, we drank to our hearts’ delight
There were no wrongs done in the past, we pretended at least
What a pleasant evening we had, it sure was a winner
Everything went perfect; she had nothing bad to say
I’m sure she’ll always remember the pleasure of tonight

“That good for nothing son of mine sure missed a treat,”

“Oh my dear Catherine,” I smiled, “Your son was the dinner.”