I’m a woman with no regard,
A broken shell of who I used to be.
I drop a tear every time I think I was but now am not.
An empty hole as cold as a tomb,
It’s all I can do to keep myself from thinking.
To feel that I’m living I have to be in constant distraction
Or else I think and I feel that emptiness within me,
Even in my distraction it doesn’t go away
It only simmers waiting for the right moment to strike
But at least for a moment I thought I was free.
In my frequent search for distraction I end up sinning
But in that instant I’m a woman with no regard
For I’m reeling from the wonderful feeling of non-emptiness
And I just do not care.
It’s when it ends that reality comes crashing,
Making me feel worse than before, covered in dirt from my sin
The emptiness grows further.
There’s another way to stop it though,
Talking to my creator Christ the saviour
But that’s something this woman hardly does
Because the dirt from my sinful distraction has become
Wall thick nourished in cement
That I feel so shameful to even face him,
No longer knowing right from wrong, I’m lost.
So many promises I’ve broken I can barely count
And will probably break some more.
Is all he ever hears but I am tired of telling him that because he deserves more.
But for all that it is worth I’M SORRY.