When God created heaven and earth He had a purpose, just as He did when He created humans.

Humans are incredible creatures, same as animals. But I feel as though sometimes we tend to forget why we are here on earth. We have become so ungrateful that we tend to care only about ourselves; the fact that we are breathing and nothing else.

I am not perfect; I’m also human and I’ve done a horrible thing, something that I don’t even know if I’ll be able to forgive myself for doing it.

Here’s my story.

Loving someone is such a blessing especially if you know where you stand with them, but not knowing if they love or care about you is the worst feeling ever. I love my girlfriend with all my heart. We’ve been dating for so long now. We had our highs and lows as most couples do, but as they say, a relationship with no arguments is a relationship with plenty of secrets.
We fought a lot and also had plenty of great times together. Things turned ugly when she fell pregnant. She didn’t want to hear a thing from me, let alone to see me. I never blamed her for that because I’m the one who betrayed her trust even though we were both careless.

As time passed by she finally calmed down and we talked and talked trying to fix everything. We both love and also have a soft spot for kids but at that stage I couldn’t do anything to try and convince her to keep the baby. She asked me to help her abort the baby and I did since I thought I was doing the right thing. I know I should have stopped her because stopping her was possible but I was afraid she’d leave me.

That was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life, sacrificing the life of my unborn baby for love! I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for being that evil and stupid. She had her reasons though for wanting to abort, not that she hated me or didn’t want to have the baby. She passed her matric and got a bursary and now she’s at varsity to further her studies.

I’m happy for her as she’s out there making her mother and our late baby proud. I just wish that one day she’ll forgive me because the way I see it she hasn’t. Reason why I think she still hates me is because I know I’m the one responsible for making her take such hard and bad decision. Sometimes I think if she hadn’t met with me none of this would have happened. I know she still hurts as much as I do and if circumstances were different she could have had the baby.

I’ve never been this drunk in love before; she’s my everything, the one that I’m living for. All I want is to have a good relationship with her because on top of the fact that I’m mad about her, we owe it to our baby whom we denied a chance to see us to have this relationship I’m praying for.

We all have purpose in life, so do unborn babies. We didn’t have a right to take that away from them. I hardly sleep at night ever since. This is not the life I hoped to live but I can’t turn back the clock, I need to face these consequences and deal with them.