I found myself physically alive, but my soul was dead. A young mother who had just gone through a terrible break up with the father of her child. A daughter who, from a very young age, did not quite often get along with her mother and the situation just seemed to get worse. A part time LLB student with poor academic performance. A mother left with the responsibility of raising a one-year-old beautiful baby girl all alone, with no one to ask anything from. I even gave up on God and became an atheist.
My heart was heavy; I was like a walking zombie. My situation with my mom only got worse, and I had no friends to talk to. It was painful to think someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with left me. My relationship with my siblings was not that great either so I could not talk to them.
The only thing that kept me together was my daughter. Every time I looked at her, my eyes were filled with tears
I knew I had to be there for her mentally, spiritually and physically – I owed her that much. I owed her a better life. I made money from hair-plaiting, a talent I inherited from my mother, and I could take care of me and my daughter with the little I made from that.
One morning I woke up at 3am, and I looked up at the ceiling then an idea came to me. I needed to seek professional help because I was not coping, I had to do something. I longed for happiness and peace. So I went online and searched for online counselling and luckily I found a non-profit organisation that offered counselling via emails for free.
I contacted them and they assigned a counsellor by the name Chris. I explained my situation to him, I spoke to him every day. My biggest miracle was being assigned to Chris, he helped me believe in myself and revived me. He helped me restore the parts of me that I had lost.
I began reading motivational books, practising meditation and daily positive affirmations. I told myself I needed change. One day, as I finished meditating, my inner-voice said to me that God was listening. I just had to talk to him so I just kneeled down and started talking to God. I first asked Him to forgive me for giving up on Him, and I asked for strength to get through. I asked for answers as to why I had to go through all of this and even though I did not have all the answers after prayer, I felt at ease. I felt as if something heavy was lifted off my shoulders.
I started praying every day, reading books every day, and downloading documentaries. Even though I would sometimes break down and start all over again, some days were better than others.
Sometimes life is not fair because you can wake up one day and find out that everything you’ve worked so hard for is all gone in a blink of an eye with no explanation. But life is also beautiful, the beauty lies behind the struggle and the challenges we overcome. I learned that sometimes God will put you through situations to help you become better, to help you grow so we must not question Him but instead ask Him for strength to see us through.
I read in a book somewhere that life is not about finding ourselves but it’s about creating ourselves. It’s about choosing to stand up and dust yourself after you have fallen, that’s what beautiful.
Here I am, after a few months of healing, moving forward, learning to love again, rebuilding a relationship with my mother and my siblings. I’m committed to changing myself and becoming the best version of myself every day. I am grateful for what I went through, it released my true strength. Life is not always fair, but it is the greatest gift of all. It is beautiful.
Tell us: What’s your way of getting over hardships in life?