My mother shoved a handful of shrunken green notes into my pocket. She grabbed me from both sides and looked deep into my eyes, I could smell potpourri and candle wax from her hands. It must have been a long day at work.

“I don’t like it when you take the night bus to the city. You know how unsafe it can be at night. I want you to call me as soon as you get off that bus, I will not sleep until I know you are safe, I’ll be praying for you,” she said.

She let go of me and yanked the side of her apron, she swept it across her face which was now turning reddish in colour. Goodbyes have always been difficult for the old lady but off late, they have become heavy.

I grinned and gave her a pat on the shoulders to lighten the mood,” I’ll be back before you know it Ma’oulady. It’s just one more semester and then I’m done. As soon as I find a job, I’m taking you to the city with me.”

“What will an old lady like me be doing in the city? You’re full of jokes Sizwe. All I want is for you to buy me that big screen that Dora bought for her mother, I hear it shows all kinds of things in the world. I will no longer feel lonely,” she laughed.

She wiggled her hand twice to signal me to go as she turned back into the house. I picked up my duffle bag on the stoep and dusted it off. The sky was decorated in shades of orange as it was bidding goodnight to the sun. My feet bounced off the ground one after the other carefully, avoiding the dusty maroon soil that would make my white sneakers unpleasant to look at. I slid my hand into my pocket, took out my phone and swiped it, opening my selfie camera. My faded haircut accentuated my handsomeness. My lips were dry, so I licked them to give them temporary moisture. I slid the phone back into the pocket and concentrated on the stretched road before me.

After a while I could see the bus stop emerging underneath the full moon that was here to relieve the sun of its duties for a few hours. A black German sedan rolled over and stopped right at the bus stop. My palms became sweaty, and I could hear my heart thud against my ribcage. I blew air into my palm just to make sure my breath was okay then I straightened out my eyebrows. Keep calm. Keep calm. You gotta keep calm, I reassured myself.

“Hey baby,” Brandon flashed his milky white teeth, smiling at me.

I opened the door and threw my duffle bag at the backseat. Brandon leaned in for a hug. Oh, my word, he smelled like heaven. I don’t even have the words to explain it, musky woody sweet whatever. I could feel my heart settle at the pit of my stomach. He turned on the music player and drove off. I remained lost in between the beautiful music and the warmth of his car.

“We’re home, Sizwe,” Brandon tapped my shoulder, and I snapped out of it.

“This gigantic house is yours?” I gasped.

He laughed as he led me inside. He disappeared into one of the rooms as I stood in the middle of the lounge marvelling at his artistic furnisher. He re-appeared in a moment. He took off his t-shirt flexing his biceps and all other kinds of muscles so much it made me look at my tiny body in comparison.

“Make yourself at home. I’m going to take a quick shower and then I’ll be with you,” he said walking right back where he came from.

A tinge of guilt buzzed my chest, and I remembered I needed to call my mother, but it was still too early, so I sat down and created a reminder on my phone. I had to make the most out of tonight. There was no backing down.

Two glasses and a bottle of champagne caught my attention as Brandon came to sit next to me. My heart begun pounding again and my throat suddenly went dry.

“This is the first time I’ve ever agreed to go on a date or whatever this is with someone. I have been in the closet all my life,” I told him, I don’t know why I felt the need to tell him that, but I felt a lot calmer after saying it.

Brandon smiled and pulled me in for a hug, “relax, there is no pressure. This is also my very first time with a guy,” he said.

My eyes popped and I swallowed. What did he mean it was his first time with a guy? Was he exploring or was he bi-? Had he been living a lie before this and was finally on his way to his truth? I had a lot of questions, but I asked him none. I couldn’t help but feel as though he was on an experimental expedition.

I picked up my shoes and my bag and stood up, “I need to go outside to call my mom,” I said.

I was already outside the gate when she picked up my call, “Ma’oulady don’t lock up, I’m on my way. I mistakenly booked a ticket for tomorrow morning; I will leave tomorrow.”