Finding out I was pregnant was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life, and the first thing that came to my mind was abortion. There were also a lot of questions going through my mind, including:
“What are my parents going to say?”
“How am I going to take care of the baby?”
“Are people going to think I’m irresponsible?”
“Everyone going to notice that I’m sexual active.”
“Must I die in order to save myself from shame?”
It was all about “what if”, “what about”, and “what is” the whole day. The worst part of it all was that, when I got denied, I had to hear insults everyday about how disappointing I am.
After finding out about my pregnancy, I could not eat, I stressed every day, I failed my semester, and I could not breathe nor think about better things. All I could see were pregnant women with their big bellies everywhere, then I felt as if everyone noticed that I was pregnant. I even started thinking that seeing all those pregnant women everywhere was deja vu.
The morning sickness was disastrous. I could not eat what I loved, and I started choosing food and vomiting every day. I also hated the smell of perfume and everything around me. When I reached my third trimester, I was scared even more by the thought of me pushing out the baby, and I kept on wondering how I was going to do it. I was just a child, so how would a baby come out of me? And I wondered if I would even survive to see it all.
Thinking was the only good thing I could do. Then, when I went to the hospital, I watched the other ladies leave our ward and never came back, and I heard that they’d had their babies.
But, while all that was happening, I started wondering how my baby was going be, and whether it was going to be a boy or a girl. I then felt movement in my tummy, and tears of joy started rolling down my face because I felt the baby communicating with me. My mind calmed down after that, and from that moment on, I knew that the baby was going to be part of me forever.
The following morning, the doctors said I was due and took me for a C-Section. I went through it all and, after some time, a doctor called my name several times, asking me to open my eyes, and said “Here’s your baby, it’s a girl”. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her, and I could not believe my eyes. I had brought a human being into this world, and I felt overwhelmed by how peaceful she looked and the innocence in her eyes.
While I was holding my baby, she gave her first cry in this world, and from that moment on, I forgot about my problems. I forgot about everything and everyone in the world, and I fell in love with her. It was love at first sight, and I knew it was going to be us against the world. I felt the warmth of motherhood sink in, and I also felt the need to protect her, to love her, to hold her and make her happy all her life.
My C-Section scar is my pride, and motherhood is my honour because:
I am her mother,
I am her shield,
I am her doctor,
I am her teacher,
I am her friend,
I am her protector,
I am a mother!
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