One of the major mistakes we tend to make in our lives is assuming that we deserve self-love when we find it convenient. For example, the tendency to claim that we love ourselves only when we are excelling, looking fabulous, or achieving our goals. The very same love diminishes as soon as we experience setbacks.

There is also a tendency to tell ourselves how the only love we need is self-love when we are broken. Instead of dealing with matters at hand, we unconsciously bury them and claim that self-love is the only thing that makes sense and is sufficient. Self-love should be present and acknowledged regardless of the circumstances affecting us. Self-love should not be used to escape dealing with matters at hand.

Most people find themselves preaching to others about the specific demands they must fulfil before they can reciprocate that love. It is sad to witness that they cannot meet those demands themselves. They set the demands so high that they are beyond their utmost reach.

Sometimes we expect what we cannot provide for ourselves. When an individual makes efforts to show that they care, they admire you, or they simply applaud you for being the amazing person that you are, appreciate them and be thankful. But do not forget to applaud yourself. This will help you to be fulfilled internally before seeking external motivation and validation. There is power in internal motivation that cannot be easily shaken by external forces.

Hence, when another person demonstrates their love language towards you, it does not suggest that you should pause loving yourself. We often blame people for their inconsistent nature of showing love and appreciation but we do not acknowledge our inconsistent behaviour in how we tend to love and appreciate ourselves.

Self-love and appreciation are not only necessary when everything is going well for you. They are meant to be there even in the midst of trials and tribulations. It’s amazing to be able to assure yourself that you are worthy and that whichever challenges you are facing shall pass.

Love and appreciate yourself in such a way that anybody who aims to do so will be adding on to what is already there. Be consistent in nourishing yourself with everything that builds you emotionally, physically, and mentally before seeking it socially. This may help you to recognise things that do not contribute to that. Ultimately, you will be aware of what is essential for your well-being and what is not.

Being aware that you are capable of shifting towards the aspects of life that help you flourish is a great attribute. And being aware that you can refrain from nourishing inconsistent patterns of self-love can help you flourish and function optimally. I quote from the American Psychological Association dictionary that says self-consistency is “behavior or traits with a high degree of internal harmony and stability.” Therefore, consistent patterns of self-love can be of great importance in our lives.


Tell us: What does self-love mean to you?