Lungile was good girl from Thembisa. I met Lungile at school; she was doing Grade 8 and I was doing Grade 9. She was a black beauty with a beautiful body, not to mention her curves.

I was introduced to her by my late friend, Sesi (may her soul rest in peace, we will always miss her), who was also dating my friend, Thulani. Three days after I met Lungile, Sesi passed on.

It was on a Monday morning that I saw Lungile and ran to her with excitement, only to find out she was crying. She told me that Sesi died earlier that morning. I didn’t know what to do. I was very sad that tears started to flow from my eyes. All I could do was tell her she’ll get through this.

That day was hell at school for everyone, not to mention Lungile; she was Sesi’s best friend.

The next day I saw Lungile after school and asked to walk with her. She didn’t mind. As we talked I started to admire her. I asked for her number but she said her phone was blocked, that she would buy a new starter-pack the next day. I asked for a hug and she gave it to me. I was a player; a lot of girls wanted me and I was dating a few of them. I’m not proud, but I did it.

The next day I was supposed to get her contacts, and something strange happened. We were at the school market with our friends and there was this girl that I was cheating with at school. She came to me and hugged me and kissed me. When I turned left, damn Lungile was there! She looked at me with a disappointed look.

That day was becoming my worst day at school.

The next day came and I approached Lungile again. She was still angry but also needed someone, a shoulder to cry on. There was this girl called Caroline, she was my ex. I went to her and we started kissing in her class, there was no teacher. Another nightmare happened; there was Lungile! I think her teacher had sent her to look for the teacher of that class. I had disappointed Lungile again and I didn’t mean to.

I was so sad and just left without saying good bye to Caroline, who I normally called Caro. I could even see when I passed by that her friends really hated me. Now I had no way to get her back in my heart where she belonged.

One day at school during our poetry session, my friend recited a poem called I cannot survive another day without you. That poem touched me. I now told myself that I had to change and it was possible; within me.

Every time when I saw her passing I would feel bad as I had failed and disappointed my late friend, Sesi. I now felt bad as Lungile was the last gift that Sesi gave me while she was still alive. I dumped all the girls that I was involved with. To be honest, I didn’t love them; I was just being a player.

I was now a cool kid; even my friends were surprised of how much I had changed. I knew that I was changing even though it was not easy. I still missed my life of being a player but I was missing Lungile more than all the girls I had dated or hurt.

I could see that every time when she looked at me she was sad. Lungile kept driving me crazy. If I could get a chance to apologise to her it would mean a lot to me, I used to think; maybe she will see that I made a mistake. I loved her a lot and I wanted to be with her.

Days passed without me seeing her and my life was no longer the same. I knew I was in love for real and for the first time it felt great. Even thou the lady I was now in love with was no longer there.

I would sit alone and ask myself, is this me? Have I turned into a monster? Has Lungile moved on with her life? I guess I will never know.

But I want Lungile to know that I’m sorry for what I did. She didn’t deserve that; she is a special lady in my life and I love her. I still hope I will fulfil the wish of my late friend, Sesi, who introduced me to Lungile.

To my late friend, Sesi, wherever you are angel, thanks for introducing me to Lungile the girl whom I love with all I have got. Thank you so much, may your soul rest in peace there with the angles of God.

And to you Lungile, all I would love to say from the bottom of my heart is, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to break your heart. I’m now a new person who wants to be with you. I still hope that one day you will forgive me and life will continue as normal.

I’m so sorry, Lungile. I’m going to fight for you until you become mine. I’m sorry, Lungile.


Let’s chat: Have you ever lost someone you loved because of some decisions you made? Please share.