I vividly remember that cold, dark night, the night my mother lost her freedom. Ironically, it was also the night when I gained mine. I looked at the time, it was almost midnight. I was sure my mother would not hear anything because she was always high or drunk, and at times she was both. As for my stepfather, Mike, he was working the night shift at the police station – till today I still find the fact that he was a policeman hilarious.

I packed my bag, and was about to open the door and walk out into the night, when the knob suddenly turned.  Mike walked in. I dropped my bag. He started approaching me. His face was so close to mine that I could smell the tobacco and alcohol on his, “Going somewhere, Lulu?”

God, I hated it when he called me that. I pleaded with him, “P… Please let me go. I promise that I will keep my mouth shut and not make any trouble for you.”

Suddenly, like a dam bursting, the man broke out into hysterical laughter.                                                     

“I did not know that comedy was one of your many talents.” He deliberately dragged the ‘s’ to get under my skin. He grabbed my wrist and continued, “You belong here, we are happy, I am happy. I take diligent care of your mother, despite the fact that she is an ugly, stupid junkie. More importantly, I take care of you Lulu, don’t I?” He kept tightening the grip. My flesh turned pink, and a tear slid down my cheek.  “Don’t I?” he yelled. I froze with fear. After a few moments of silence, I responded.

“You do, and I appreciate it, but please let me go. I am only asking for freedom.”

He loosened his grip, took a step closer, and looked me straight in the eyes.

 “Freedom? You think going out there will be freedom? No Lulu, this is freedom: a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and a man who gives you love. Yes, LOVE, something that even your own father failed to give you! Didn’t he leave you and Florence to fend for yourselves? Was that freedom?”

At this point, I could not take it anymore. A storm was raging in my head and I started yelling back, “Don’t you dare mention my father, you know nothing about him!”       

He spat on the ground and banged the table with his fist.“But I do know that you will not survive out there. You have nothing, and you are nothing. You will just end up being a slave that walks around the streets with chains, screaming ‘freedom’.” 

I grabbed a knife, “Shut the hell up, I have been listening to you for way too long. You will not stop me anymore.  I’d rather go out there and be a slave, but I will NOT be your slave any longer, Mike. I refuse!”

He took a few steps closer; his breath was all over me, I could feel it on my skin.  I could feel his eyes staring into my soul. I completely lost it. Everything went dark, and I used the weapon in my hands. I stabbed his legs. He fell down. Next moment I was on top of him, stabbing, stabbing, and stabbing. With each stab I could hear all my muffled screams for help. With each stab I saw his pathetic smile. He was not on top of me this time. I was the one in control. His blood was all over me.

When I finally looked up, I saw my mother standing in the corridor. She was shaking like a leaf. She finally broke the silence, and in a half-whisper she said to me,  “I am sorry Lunabelle, I am really sorry. I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I would give anything to turn back the hands of time and be a better mother, be a mother that you deserve.” She wiped a tear from her face and continued in the same tone, “Right now I am going to need you to take that bag, walk out that door and never look back.”

I took the bag, slowly walked to the door, and turned around one last time. She gave me the warmest smile, a smile that one only gets to see once in a lifetime. Then she waved me goodbye.

That was the last time I ever saw her face.  She committed suicide in prison. And as for me? I am still out here trying – trying to free myself from the chains of slavery. Slavery is poverty, slavery is unemployment, slavery is desperation, slavery is illiteracy, slavery takes many forms, but I will not stop fighting for freedom.