Here I am troubled by my rootless life, drained inside by thoughts that run a mile. My past keeps haunting me as I find myself asking, so many questions that are left unanswered.
I could never understand why you never cared.
Wasn’t I enough for you? Wasn’t there a thought in your mind of all the things I would need from you? I don’t deserve what you did to me, you never fought for my love nor acknowledge the fact that I am your child.
It’s amazing how you fled at the news of my birth; decided you want nothing to do with me. Even if you and Mama had issues, was it worth involving an innocent soul?
On her own, Mama did it all. She took over the responsibilities you willingly gave up without hesitation. She brought me up with love, discipline, courage, strength and respect. Sacrificed a lot to mould me to be a person I am today.
You were never there for me. How I wished you could have played that role; a father figure to make me whole. But instead you refused your responsibilities, stole my soul and left me in despair.
Thank you for the sperms you donated that made my existence possible. For the genes we share that could never be separated. To be honest I spent my whole life trying to break this chain connecting us. Fact is I’m agitated by your actions.
Your non-existence has brought me nothing but pain, cuts and bruises inside me as I try to fill up the void you left. I wish I wasn’t your child, hoped God could undo the past and find a better replacement. Even if that’s the case, I could never hate a man with DNA identical to mine.
Being a father means you have to be always present. Not only to provide a pay cheque, but to be positively involved in your child’s life. In order to see them succeed in every part of their life. Be there but most importantly be a good role model.