Moments shared, are moments remembered. It’s never easy to forget the things that made you feel over the moon: something that made you feel like jumping over the clouds, something that made you smile in the mornings’ sunrise.
Once, he and I were smiling at the stars. It was the most amazing time of my life. It had taken forever for me to find someone who understood me for who I was. I wanted to live for another day. All I could dream about was him, only him and no one else. I found myself changing for him. He had a big impact on me but the person that he was gave me the creeps sometimes.
At heart he was a gentleman, or let me say he was a gentleman to me. When he was with me, he was as calm as the summer breeze. He flowed like a river and he was as open as he could be. I loved lying on his chest; that was the only way I could feel his heartbeat. I know I’m not a doctor but all I know is that I made his heart beat faster. I wasn’t good-looking, but I made him feel like he was somewhere far from home, somewhere peaceful where he couldn’t hide himself.
He was a beast at night. He had been involved in an Indian shop robbery. He had been the mastermind of it all; he was the gang leader. His name was Nicholas. People asked me why I was with him knowing what his ways were, but I knew his ways and I loved him regardless. Sometimes I became scared, wondering if he would come the next day or if I might hear that he had been killed.
Was I strong enough or was I being careless? I was not afraid of him killing me. The thought of Nicholas killing me never crossed my mind because I loved him. His love made me feel like I could climb the tallest building in the world and say, “I love you Nick.” That’s how much I loved my Nicholas. I know I’m talking as if he’s dead, he’s not dead, he’s very much alive. It so happens, that he moved out of our town to another town.
I don’t know what to do. I’m even ashamed to walk in the same streets that I used to walk in when I was with him; when we had our moments, when we were cemented to each other and when we shared everything. We almost did everything together. I miss his scent. I know at times it was a rough scent, but he was a man after all. He had to work for his Pamela. I remember how he used to touch my hair when saying my name. In moments such as those I wish I could just disappear.
I don’t d even know if he had turned into a golden man. Why has he not remembered me? Had I just willed away the time for him? Did he even love me in the first place or was I a fool from the start? I wish he had continued pretending to be that one, pretending to love me for me. Now, I’m alone and I can’t live this life anymore. I will, but I feel like I’m mourning someone’s death. I will find another Nick. However time, I’m going cleaner and cleaner, I mean.
Tell us what you think: Do you think women who date thugs and gansters should be judged or condemned by society? Why? Why not?