I lie in bed with tears running down my face, I won’t lie, I miss you each day of my life. I know many will call it attention-seeking but the pain does not seem to wash away. Each time I look at a picture of you I get a sharp pain in my chest and start thinking of all the memories you left me with. and more specially the gift of a sibling you left for me to mother at an age where I had not even become a teenager.
Thoughts of suicide have crossed my mind so many times that I have lost count, but whenever I try to accomplish the thoughts I just remember you saying, “God’s timing is unquestionable and in him, my daughter, you should always seek refuge, for he will never abandon you.” You are missed, mama. Death became an enemy and took you away from me at a very young age. Funny, how you always spoke of death and that you were preparing me for that day you would leave and never return. Honestly I didn’t think it would be that soon. Everyone seems to have moved on but to me the wound you left in my heart is still fresh.
I miss the food you made. No one can make food the way you made it, mom. You gave food to me with love and your smile. It can’t be replicated. It’s impossible: no one else has your smile. Sometimes the little man and I joke about how you made your food with love and how passionate you were when it came to home-cooked meals. Arg, when l remember this I feel good, I feel closer to you.
I have cried so many tears, I lost myself as that young girl. When I looked I couldn’t find myself so I wrote down my feelings. Writing has become my counsellor, my friend and dumping pad. When I speak to others they just don’t get it. They haven’t gone through what I went through. They judge me even if they don’t mean it.
I don’t even know what would help, probably nothing…
Dear mother, know that you are missed. Your absence is felt every day of my life since you were stolen from me. I could never forget you. A part of me is still lost and I am wondering if I will ever get it back. Maybe that piece is in heaven with you and someday you can put it back in me and I will be whole again.
In my garden of flowers the most beautiful one was picked by God and taken away. But I will continue watering the garden so it could bear more beautiful flowers like you. And this is a letter to my late mother. Your absence has taught me to be strong and smile like l have got no problems…
To the reader, remember to always smile. It might make somebody’s day…
Always share a smile
Tell us: Have you got someone that this letter reminds you of?