A few days before my birthday, I was curious what he will do for me. Recently he just greeted me ask my well being.
Two days left for my birthday
Happy birthday in advance
I couldnt believe it,why can’t he say it on the day. I had to process this but my heart ached. Then I remembered how he couldn’t wait to visit me. Should be sad or look at the bright side?Was there any ?
‘ He will surprise me ,’ I thought because he wanted to see . Little did I know he just wanted to make me happy with empty promises. My day came and I couldn’t wait to open my WhatsApp message but there wasn’t any from him. I felt so shamed and unwanted that I bathed and dress up and took myself to town. I had no friends and I thought I found my right partner.
At church they always preach to pray God to give us a life partner but I was scared maybe he wasn’t the one. Days passed no message or call from him. When I tried to call,he rejected my calls. I thought it was my imagination but it was clear I was disturbing him.
If you don’t want me ,just say it
I waited for a reply but he was just reading my message and maybe reply on other message. He blue ticked me ,it broke me.
Why aren’t you talking to me?
I was feeling low and down like a ostrich struck its head in the mud. The voice in me fell off and tears filled my eyes . I wanted him,I was like a impatient child yelling and screaming for ice cream
Talk to me Laz
His ignorance was killing me softly till I send a message saying bad things. You could never anger concerning matters of heart. I called him a pervert ,liar ,womanizer and a cheater . His profile picture vanished but I kept typing bad words till I realized I was blocked. The messages only ticked once. It tore me apart,my heart shredded into pieces which I couldn’t pick. I felt like when my previous boyfriend did,I loved him too,more than Laz. No wonder they say ‘ Don’t love someone more you will get hurt’; other’ s say ‘ Don’t love with your heart’
I had a problem that if I love someone ,I can’t lie but prove it. I never have cheated but I had a big helluva way to go through. I couldn’t erase what just happened and I couldn’t stop loving him but I was angry on the other side that I blocked him too. I deleted his pics and his numbers. A minutes later I regretted deleting his pictures,I sound childlove
To forget I started to find a hope and realize I would never find someone like him. At first I didn’t want him,what happened that I started to live him more like that? But the heart was one which developed feelings that made me grew fonder of him.
It was hard to forget him but I finally did and moved on. It wasn’t easy but I had to. Laz proved to me that you love someone who doesn’t love back. This also showed love wasn’t found any more and that he was playing me. He didn’t want me in this relationship. Our communication was low,when I looked back at ‘us’ I saw that I was forcing him to love me. I never forced him to declare his love to me . I was reluctant until I gave in now he hurts me. I would never love again because I felt I will never get attracted to anyone in the world ever again.
Aftera month I unblock him hoping he would come back . I waited and waited but nothing. I felt like I was a child waiting for his soldier father to return but he had died and would never return home. My heart bleed but life still moved,I dusted myself and moved on. Men came in my path but I wasn’t attracted to them,nothing as common between us but some became friends,I still wanted my Laz. How could I want such a a man ? I should get a man who was attracted to me and who wanted me. The man who get connected with me not a man like Laz who is going well in his life. I waste my thoughts on him .