Sometimes I get angry about the things I got bullied for
Things I never had any control over.
Like the fact that my nose is shaped kinda funny
Or the fact that I found it easier to read than to speak
I’m talking about the time I walked down the street and was pelted with rocks
Tell me, what did I ever do to deserve that?
Or when they laughed at my skinny body
Called me Miss Sturvy
The girl who leaned out of the bus and shouted:
“Raak wys, is amper tyd”
My heart hammering inside my chest, I was scared to leave the house for a week
So many times I stood infront of the mirror,
Convinced I was ugly, even if I was
It gave you no right to treat me like you did.
Let’s take it back further
You were playing a game in your yard, I walked in gingerly
Sure I was uninvited but one of my few friends was there
You laughed and told me to leave, I wasn’t welcome
My friend stood there, head hung in shame
Didn’t say a thing, I didn’t blame her
No one wanted to be associated with the weirdo girl
Do you know what it’s like to run to your mother
Sob on her shoulder and cry out, “Why does no one like me?”
I retaliated the only way I knew how
By retreating into my head
There no one could hurt me
Until it became the place that hurt me more than anyone else.
But look, I’m no innocent victim
I grew prettier and gained popularity
The bullied became the bully.
I finally found my tongue, it regularly spewed venom
I sneered at girls who were just like me, laughed with the boys at girls called whores
This is an ode to them too
This is my public apology.
I don’t even remember their names
That’s the real cruelty of the bully
You go on with your life, forget about your ugliness
Your victims are the ones who have to deal with the scars.