I spent unaware

that I was running away from myself

always seeking company or entertainment

so I would not have to face

the dark clouds storming inside of me.


Every moment was an opportunity for diversion;

friendships were a means of escape,

pleasure a temporary relief from pain.


I did not notice that my relationships were shallow

because of how far away I was from myself.


I did not understand why solitude felt unbearable

and why “fun” could not be permanently settle turbulent emotions.


For far too long I was unaware

that the only way for life to improve,

for my relationships to feel rich,

and for my mind to finally experience ease

was for me to explore and embrace

the anxious unknown that dwelled within me