I spent unaware
that I was running away from myself
always seeking company or entertainment
so I would not have to face
the dark clouds storming inside of me.
Every moment was an opportunity for diversion;
friendships were a means of escape,
pleasure a temporary relief from pain.
I did not notice that my relationships were shallow
because of how far away I was from myself.
I did not understand why solitude felt unbearable
and why “fun” could not be permanently settle turbulent emotions.
For far too long I was unaware
that the only way for life to improve,
for my relationships to feel rich,
and for my mind to finally experience ease
was for me to explore and embrace
the anxious unknown that dwelled within me