Richard and Wendy are on the bed, all sweaty and out of breath.


RICHARD: That was awesome! Are you super woman?


WENDY: I bet your wife doesn’t make you sweat like that.


RICHARD: Hey! What’s rule number one?


Wendy rolls her eyes.


RICHARD: Don’t speak about her.


WENDY: Admit it, those rules are stupid. If they weren’t, you wouldn’t have broken one.


RICHARD: Which rule did I break?


WENDY: Never screw me on the same bed you screw her on.


RICHARD: Well… desperate times call for desperate measures.


RACHEL: (off stage) Honey… I’m home!


Richard jumps to his feet.


RICHARD: Oh shit! You have to hide! Hide!


WENDY: Hide where?!


RICHARD: Under the bed! Under the bed!


WENDY: (slipping under the bed)This is so not cool!


Rachel enters.


RACHEL: Hey fluffy bear!


She goes for a kiss.


RICHARD: Hey hon.


She goes to seat on the bed.


RICHARD: You’re home early.


RACHEL: I asked for the rest of the day off. How can I leave my sick fluffy bear all alone. I vowed to be here in sickness and in health, didn’t I? Although it looks as if you’ve fully recovered.


RICHARD: (cough cough)A little.


RACHEL: Jesus, my feet are killing me!


RICHARD: You want a foot massage?


RACHEL: I would like that very much.


RICHARD: Well…why don’t you go and change…clean that make up off and I’ll ask Dorothy to prepare the warm water.


RACHEL: (walking to the master bathroom) You are my hero!


Richard helps Wendy out.


RACHEL: (off stage) Hey baby I was thinking…


Wendy sneaks in one more kiss before she exits.


RACHEL: (off stage) For our upcoming anniversary…why don’t we do something different from what we’re used to. Something adventurous like horseback riding, bike riding or even sky diving.


RICHARD: Whatever you want baby.


Rachel re-enters.


RACHEL: Really? Well… I hope you’re not afraid of heights.


She notices something next to the bed. She goes to pick it up. It is a back lace panty.


RACHEL: Whose panty is this?


RICHARD: Why are you asking me? Isn’t it yours?


RACHEL: Since when do I wear black Richard?


RICHARD: Well… I don’t wear panties so I wouldn’t know.


RACHEL: Was there a woman in this house? Richard are you having an affair?


RICHARD: What? Who? Me? Affair? That’s crazy!


RACHEL: Then whose panty is this?


RICHARD: I don’t know baby. Why don’t you ask Doris?


RACHEL: Do you seriously think these could be worn by Doris?


RICHARD: Hey! That’s body shaming!


RACHEL: You know what…(shouting) Doris! Doris!


DORIS: (off stage) Yes mam?


RACHEL: Can you come here?


Doris enters.


RACHEL: Doris are these yours?


DORIS: Yoooh! Hhay madam! I don’t wear those things! They are like a sack of oranges. Are they even comfortable?


RACHEL: Has my husband ever brought another woman in this house?


DORIS: Hhay madam I don’t know. I don’t know.


RICHARD: Baby this is ridiculous. I’m not cheating on you.


RACHEL: You know what…let me wipe this make up off. You are going to tell me the truth!


Rachel goes to the bathroom. Doris turns to leave.


RICHARD: Doris Doris Doris! Listen…you have to help me!


DORIS: No, sorry sir, you are on your own. I tried to warn you but you didn’t listen.


RICHARD: Don’t you want a bonus?


DORIS: Don’t try to be clever with me boss. It’s December vele I have to get a bonus.


RICHARD: How about I double it? Does that sound better?


DORIS: It would sound even more better if you tripled it.


RICHARD: Triple? Do I look like Patrice Motsepe?


DORIS: No, you look like someone who’s about to get divorced.


RICHARD: Okay okay. Triple it is.


Rachel re-enters.


RACHEL: Okay, explain.


DORIS: Actually madam…they are mine.




DORIS: Yes. They must have fallen off when I was using your shower.


RACHEL: You used our shower?


DORIS: Yes madam. Ubasi uRichard gave me permission.


RACHEL: But you just denied them a minute ago.


DORIS: Yah sorry madam. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want you to know that I was wearing that sack of oranges. But now I see that I’m causing troubles between you.


RACHEL: Well I certainly didn’t picture you wearing lace.


DORIS: It’s for the husband. He likes these things. They make our bedroom sessions extra special.


RACHEL: Okay okay Doris. Too much info! Here, take your thing.


Doris takes the panty and exits.


RACHEL: Wow. Can you believe that?


RICHARD: What I can’t believe is that you think I would cheat on you!


RACHEL: I’m sorry baby. What else was I suppose to think?


RICHARD: You really hurt my feelings.


RACHEL: I’m sorry fluffy bear. Can I make it up to you?




RACHEL: How about I give you that foot massage?


RICHARD: That would be nice.


They exit, holding hands.