Richard and Wendy are on the bed, all sweaty and out of breath.
RICHARD: That was awesome! Are you super woman?
WENDY: I bet your wife doesn’t make you sweat like that.
RICHARD: Hey! What’s rule number one?
Wendy rolls her eyes.
RICHARD: Don’t speak about her.
WENDY: Admit it, those rules are stupid. If they weren’t, you wouldn’t have broken one.
RICHARD: Which rule did I break?
WENDY: Never screw me on the same bed you screw her on.
RICHARD: Well… desperate times call for desperate measures.
RACHEL: (off stage) Honey… I’m home!
Richard jumps to his feet.
RICHARD: Oh shit! You have to hide! Hide!
WENDY: Hide where?!
RICHARD: Under the bed! Under the bed!
WENDY: (slipping under the bed)This is so not cool!
Rachel enters.
RACHEL: Hey fluffy bear!
She goes for a kiss.
RICHARD: Hey hon.
She goes to seat on the bed.
RICHARD: You’re home early.
RACHEL: I asked for the rest of the day off. How can I leave my sick fluffy bear all alone. I vowed to be here in sickness and in health, didn’t I? Although it looks as if you’ve fully recovered.
RICHARD: (cough cough)A little.
RACHEL: Jesus, my feet are killing me!
RICHARD: You want a foot massage?
RACHEL: I would like that very much.
RICHARD: Well…why don’t you go and change…clean that make up off and I’ll ask Dorothy to prepare the warm water.
RACHEL: (walking to the master bathroom) You are my hero!
Richard helps Wendy out.
RACHEL: (off stage) Hey baby I was thinking…
Wendy sneaks in one more kiss before she exits.
RACHEL: (off stage) For our upcoming anniversary…why don’t we do something different from what we’re used to. Something adventurous like horseback riding, bike riding or even sky diving.
RICHARD: Whatever you want baby.
Rachel re-enters.
RACHEL: Really? Well… I hope you’re not afraid of heights.
She notices something next to the bed. She goes to pick it up. It is a back lace panty.
RACHEL: Whose panty is this?
RICHARD: Why are you asking me? Isn’t it yours?
RACHEL: Since when do I wear black Richard?
RICHARD: Well… I don’t wear panties so I wouldn’t know.
RACHEL: Was there a woman in this house? Richard are you having an affair?
RICHARD: What? Who? Me? Affair? That’s crazy!
RACHEL: Then whose panty is this?
RICHARD: I don’t know baby. Why don’t you ask Doris?
RACHEL: Do you seriously think these could be worn by Doris?
RICHARD: Hey! That’s body shaming!
RACHEL: You know what…(shouting) Doris! Doris!
DORIS: (off stage) Yes mam?
RACHEL: Can you come here?
Doris enters.
RACHEL: Doris are these yours?
DORIS: Yoooh! Hhay madam! I don’t wear those things! They are like a sack of oranges. Are they even comfortable?
RACHEL: Has my husband ever brought another woman in this house?
DORIS: Hhay madam I don’t know. I don’t know.
RICHARD: Baby this is ridiculous. I’m not cheating on you.
RACHEL: You know what…let me wipe this make up off. You are going to tell me the truth!
Rachel goes to the bathroom. Doris turns to leave.
RICHARD: Doris Doris Doris! Listen…you have to help me!
DORIS: No, sorry sir, you are on your own. I tried to warn you but you didn’t listen.
RICHARD: Don’t you want a bonus?
DORIS: Don’t try to be clever with me boss. It’s December vele I have to get a bonus.
RICHARD: How about I double it? Does that sound better?
DORIS: It would sound even more better if you tripled it.
RICHARD: Triple? Do I look like Patrice Motsepe?
DORIS: No, you look like someone who’s about to get divorced.
RICHARD: Okay okay. Triple it is.
Rachel re-enters.
RACHEL: Okay, explain.
DORIS: Actually madam…they are mine.
RACHEL: What?
DORIS: Yes. They must have fallen off when I was using your shower.
RACHEL: You used our shower?
DORIS: Yes madam. Ubasi uRichard gave me permission.
RACHEL: But you just denied them a minute ago.
DORIS: Yah sorry madam. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want you to know that I was wearing that sack of oranges. But now I see that I’m causing troubles between you.
RACHEL: Well I certainly didn’t picture you wearing lace.
DORIS: It’s for the husband. He likes these things. They make our bedroom sessions extra special.
RACHEL: Okay okay Doris. Too much info! Here, take your thing.
Doris takes the panty and exits.
RACHEL: Wow. Can you believe that?
RICHARD: What I can’t believe is that you think I would cheat on you!
RACHEL: I’m sorry baby. What else was I suppose to think?
RICHARD: You really hurt my feelings.
RACHEL: I’m sorry fluffy bear. Can I make it up to you?
RICHARD: How?
RACHEL: How about I give you that foot massage?
RICHARD: That would be nice.
They exit, holding hands.