Richard and Wendy are on the bed, all sweaty and out of breath.

 

RICHARD: That was awesome! Are you super woman?

 

WENDY: I bet your wife doesn’t make you sweat like that.

 

RICHARD: Hey! What’s rule number one?

 

Wendy rolls her eyes.

 

RICHARD: Don’t speak about her.

 

WENDY: Admit it, those rules are stupid. If they weren’t, you wouldn’t have broken one.

 

RICHARD: Which rule did I break?

 

WENDY: Never screw me on the same bed you screw her on.

 

RICHARD: Well… desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

RACHEL: (off stage) Honey… I’m home!

 

Richard jumps to his feet.

 

RICHARD: Oh shit! You have to hide! Hide!

 

WENDY: Hide where?!

 

RICHARD: Under the bed! Under the bed!

 

WENDY: (slipping under the bed)This is so not cool!

 

Rachel enters.

 

RACHEL: Hey fluffy bear!

 

She goes for a kiss.

 

RICHARD: Hey hon.

 

She goes to seat on the bed.

 

RICHARD: You’re home early.

 

RACHEL: I asked for the rest of the day off. How can I leave my sick fluffy bear all alone. I vowed to be here in sickness and in health, didn’t I? Although it looks as if you’ve fully recovered.

 

RICHARD: (cough cough)A little.

 

RACHEL: Jesus, my feet are killing me!

 

RICHARD: You want a foot massage?

 

RACHEL: I would like that very much.

 

RICHARD: Well…why don’t you go and change…clean that make up off and I’ll ask Dorothy to prepare the warm water.

 

RACHEL: (walking to the master bathroom) You are my hero!

 

Richard helps Wendy out.

 

RACHEL: (off stage) Hey baby I was thinking…

 

Wendy sneaks in one more kiss before she exits.

 

RACHEL: (off stage) For our upcoming anniversary…why don’t we do something different from what we’re used to. Something adventurous like horseback riding, bike riding or even sky diving.

 

RICHARD: Whatever you want baby.

 

Rachel re-enters.

 

RACHEL: Really? Well… I hope you’re not afraid of heights.

 

She notices something next to the bed. She goes to pick it up. It is a back lace panty.

 

RACHEL: Whose panty is this?

 

RICHARD: Why are you asking me? Isn’t it yours?

 

RACHEL: Since when do I wear black Richard?

 

RICHARD: Well… I don’t wear panties so I wouldn’t know.

 

RACHEL: Was there a woman in this house? Richard are you having an affair?

 

RICHARD: What? Who? Me? Affair? That’s crazy!

 

RACHEL: Then whose panty is this?

 

RICHARD: I don’t know baby. Why don’t you ask Doris?

 

RACHEL: Do you seriously think these could be worn by Doris?

 

RICHARD: Hey! That’s body shaming!

 

RACHEL: You know what…(shouting) Doris! Doris!

 

DORIS: (off stage) Yes mam?

 

RACHEL: Can you come here?

 

Doris enters.

 

RACHEL: Doris are these yours?

 

DORIS: Yoooh! Hhay madam! I don’t wear those things! They are like a sack of oranges. Are they even comfortable?

 

RACHEL: Has my husband ever brought another woman in this house?

 

DORIS: Hhay madam I don’t know. I don’t know.

 

RICHARD: Baby this is ridiculous. I’m not cheating on you.

 

RACHEL: You know what…let me wipe this make up off. You are going to tell me the truth!

 

Rachel goes to the bathroom. Doris turns to leave.

 

RICHARD: Doris Doris Doris! Listen…you have to help me!

 

DORIS: No, sorry sir, you are on your own. I tried to warn you but you didn’t listen.

 

RICHARD: Don’t you want a bonus?

 

DORIS: Don’t try to be clever with me boss. It’s December vele I have to get a bonus.

 

RICHARD: How about I double it? Does that sound better?

 

DORIS: It would sound even more better if you tripled it.

 

RICHARD: Triple? Do I look like Patrice Motsepe?

 

DORIS: No, you look like someone who’s about to get divorced.

 

RICHARD: Okay okay. Triple it is.

 

Rachel re-enters.

 

RACHEL: Okay, explain.

 

DORIS: Actually madam…they are mine.

 

RACHEL: What?

 

DORIS: Yes. They must have fallen off when I was using your shower.

 

RACHEL: You used our shower?

 

DORIS: Yes madam. Ubasi uRichard gave me permission.

 

RACHEL: But you just denied them a minute ago.

 

DORIS: Yah sorry madam. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want you to know that I was wearing that sack of oranges. But now I see that I’m causing troubles between you.

 

RACHEL: Well I certainly didn’t picture you wearing lace.

 

DORIS: It’s for the husband. He likes these things. They make our bedroom sessions extra special.

 

RACHEL: Okay okay Doris. Too much info! Here, take your thing.

 

Doris takes the panty and exits.

 

RACHEL: Wow. Can you believe that?

 

RICHARD: What I can’t believe is that you think I would cheat on you!

 

RACHEL: I’m sorry baby. What else was I suppose to think?

 

RICHARD: You really hurt my feelings.

 

RACHEL: I’m sorry fluffy bear. Can I make it up to you?

 

RICHARD: How?

 

RACHEL: How about I give you that foot massage?

 

RICHARD: That would be nice.

 

They exit, holding hands.