Suffering from a mental illness while having young kids is the pits.

You cannot fully be in your “sad corner” as your babies want your full attention and love. They do not care (a lack of a better wording) that mummy is currently going through depression, not that it is their fault but it is their birthright to be taken care of as they did not ask to be born. 

Every day you try to keep your facade intact lest they sense that you are not okay. Every thought and attempt of taking your life is met with the guilt trip of “who do you think will take care of your children?”, “who will you burden your children with?”. So you force yourself to parent even when you are not okay. 

I hope one day I will be okay to let go of this facade and be happy. I deserve it, my kids deserve it.