One of my schoolmates wanted to leave school. But me being me, I wanted to play ‘I’m there for you’ because of knowing her home situation.
I decided to be there for her, to be the pillar of strength, to help her carry her pain, while I, myself, I had no one by my side. I had no one to help me carry my pain, I had no one to listen to me. I decided to be her hope because I knew we were facing the same situation. I had no hope, but I couldn’t share my pain with her because I wanted to be strong for her while I am weak myself.
I wanted to call it the end, but because of her I had to stay and act strong. I tried to be strong for her and give her hope in our hopeless life. Being all alone, supporting people who couldn’t even support you. Living your life, asking God to bring back your parents or those you were looking up to.
Honestly it was so good for me to know I was making a change in someone’s life, happy to see one soul going back to hope, but me, I didn’t find anyone to be by my side.
I couldn’t show her that I was also as weak as she was because I was afraid she might lose the little hope she had. I found myself losing the hope I’d been giving to my friend, forgetting the life I promised to myself.
Then I joined a gang with the hope of them helping me forget the reality, forget the problems I was facing.
Honestly they did that without even complaining. We’d go out Friday to Sunday, I’d drink until I felt like I was living in my own world, the world with no problems and worries. I’d find myself forgetting about schoolwork, sometimes finding myself drinking non-stop or drinking on an empty stomach. I wanted a slow peaceful death because in my mind I thought that would be the only solution for what I was facing.
But telling you the truth, alcohol abuse is not the solution to any problem, it is just the cause of depression.
Orphan child, I write this with eyes full of tears, thinking of you who might be in the same situation as me. I’m writing to let you know that the only way to overcome the obstacles is to know who you are, know what you want in life, fulfil the promise you made to yourself, and pursue your dreams.
I love you all.
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