Dear Faith

My apologies for not writing as often as I should. At times I felt I was burdening you with my issues that yours were just shadows, inadequate compared to mine. How hard do your demons hit with help from mine? Are you still hiding the bruises with that pretty smile? I’ve been trying to fight them on my own for a while to ease your troubles. To get a hit? Hey, I’m still trying.

The sky is cloudy today, hopefully, it doesn’t rain again anytime soon. You remember that song we sang when we were kids, “Langa, langa yiza ngapha! Mvula, mvula bhek’ eBhayi!”, to chase away rainy days and it magically worked? I find myself now repeatedly singing it hoping it still has some of that magic to clear my skies. But at least I found shelter in these bottles of liquor I consume. Glasses are useless, I pop off the cap and flood my throat with gin, vodka maybe whiskey to whisk me away to where I can feel the warm sun through the dark clouds. Faith, I found love again or I think my mind tricked my heart into thinking it has so it will have some sense of purpose. I do hope this time it’s different. For once I would love to know the pleasant side of love. The side that poets and writers describe as taking all your broken pieces, putting them back together, and making you feel whole again, forgetting you were ever broken in the first place. The side of love that consumes you, forces you into loving yourself to love this person even better. The side of love that makes imperfections seem perfect. The side of love that doesn’t hurt. But it doesn’t hurt to hope, right?!

With Love

Lorenzo