WARNING: This piece contains descriptions of sexual abuse.
My heart no longer knows love. What it feels like, or how it should be. It’s now an empty hole, filled only with hatred and anger.
Ever since my supposed ‘Uncle’ deprived me my privacy. Violated my rights as a minor. He raped me, countlessly without thinking twice. Without thinking that what he is about to do is utterly wrong. Without realising that he is not only satisfying his sexual needs, but in the process he is damaging my soul. As he breaths heavily on me, slowly he is grinding my heart into pieces. As he pins me down onto my own bed, in my room, he slowly takes away my childish moments, my innocence. As He happily inserts his manhood into me, into my body, he takes away the only thing I’m proud of having – my VIRGINITY.
Ever since then, my whole life has changed. From being a child who was happy and excited about life. To a child who fears nature, who fears love and being loved. Life has never been the same. From the glorious moments, to those dark moments. I see no sun shining my way, but only darkness and evil deeds creeping up on me. And there’s no Exit to this.
The hatred and anger, grows every single day I see his face, it grows the moment I hear someone mention his name. I struggle to see him breath, I wish I could struggle him till he chokes to death. But I can’t allow him to turn me into a murderer, I can’t allow him to win. I have to fight and win this battle. There are numerous ways I think of that I could use to kill him. Like, since alcohol is his weakness, how about I drop a few droplets of eye drops. Or I could make him drink alcohol with a lizard in it. I heard a lizard is quite poisonous. Yes I know I sound silly and quite dangerous but he forces me to think in that manner.
I hate how his voice sounds. I hate how he sleeps and walk. I hate his laugh. I hate his fashion sense. Anything that breathes in his direction, I hate. He tormented me, broke me. I just can’t forgive and forget easily. I want to live a normal life, but I guess there ain’t a thing called normal. I hate having an Uncle. Because of Him, I do not want to engage in any sexual relations never mind having a relationship. I hate not having any confidence in me. It’s a whole lot of things, and I can’t change it.
If all was just a dream, I’ll be happy. But now it’s reality, I have to face it.