Here are two pieces of writing about the same meal:
My granny made nice roast chicken for supper. It was delicious. We also had mashed potato and peas from the garden. It is my favourite meal.
My granny made succulent roast chicken with crispy skin for supper. We also had soft, buttery mashed potato, and fresh green peas from the garden. Mmm, move over KFC!
Which one made your mouth water?!
You must have chosen B’s writing, because it adds in descriptive words and details that make us almost TASTE the meal: succulent, crispy, soft, buttery, fresh, green….
These words are much more powerful than A’s words: nice, delicious, favourite because they give us a much clearer picture of the meal. Words like pretty, nice, beautiful don’t give us a visual image of what we should be imagining.
Think of this morning, when you got up. What did you do?
I woke up and then I made my tea and brought it to drink in bed. Then I got up and had a shower.
I woke up and looked out the window – the sky was bright and blue but I could see it was windy from how the little tree shook. It was chilly, and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I could hear my brother already making a noise in the kitchen. I jumped up to make sure he didn’t finish the milk before I could make my tea. I took my tea back to my room and sipped the hot sweet liquid, trying to wake up for the day.
A and B are describing the same morning – but see how B gives so many details that she doesn’t even get to the shower, because she is giving so many details of what she sees, feels, hears, tastes.
So for this exercise, write down in your notebook three of four things you did this morning:
Now descrbe describe them like B did, so that someone could make a movie of the first 20 minutes or so of your day from when you woke up. Include as many senses as you can: what did you see, hear, taste, smell, feel? Write a paragraph of a few sentences, and then press the link below to type and then submit it.