Try this today! Walk into a room full of people with a smile on your face. You’ll be surprised by how much it improves everything around you.

THE 10-POINT PLAN TO GETTING ON WITH ANYONE

1. Be sensitive to the needs of others

2. Ensure that your needs are being respected

By pandering to people, you all lose out. You encourage them to abuse you, and they lose their best selves.

3. Communicate clearly

To make a relationship work, tell people what you need from them. Tell them when something is bothering you, and ask them to do the same.

4. Be pleasant

When you’re being nice, people are more receptive to you and you’re likely to see another side to them.

5. Don’t label people

Assigning judgmental names to people, such as ‘uncaring’ or ‘irresponsible’, makes it difficult to build bridges. Using these labels during confrontations makes people react in a defensive, aggressive way.

6. Focus on the good, not the bad

Particularly with family, look for positive attributes to value and praise, instead of automatically turning to criticism.

7. Play a role

If you dread seeing, say, your overbearing stepfather at family gatherings, playing the part of pleasant, supportive daughter could avoid tension, make your mother happy, and help you feel you’ve done your bit. If you know you can’t pull it off, however, rather stay at home!

8. Know when to apologise

When you cross boundaries, apologise. If you enter a discussion looking for an apology, accept it when it’s offered. After an apology has been given, respect that the situation might always be an issue. Avoid stirring it all up again.

9. Forgive when necessary

Granting forgiveness shouldn’t depend on whether or not someone deserves to be forgiven; forgive because you need to do it for yourself. Forgiveness is a process that goes from hurt to blame, to anger, and then to understanding the other person as a victim too. Three steps are needed: whether you’ve hurt someone or been hurt, the victim first needs full acknowledgement of his or her pain, followed by an apology. Finally, amends must then be made to prove things have changed.

10. Don’t be afraid of conflict

Conflict is necessary, natural and good – depending on how it’s handled. It’s not a sign that something’s wrong. But something is wrong when you’re feeling bad a lot of the time. It’s a sign that you need to work on the relationship. If this doesn’t help, minimise contact with the person. As a last resort, cut loose completely.