HOW TO RECOVER FROM A SCREW-UP
You’ve burst into tears at work
Try to keep the time you spend crying in the other person’s presence to a minimum. Don’t just sit there blubbing. Say, ‘I’m sorry. I need to take a moment to compose myself. I’ll come back to you.’ If necessary, give a brief explanation such as, ‘This is an emotional time for me,’ but avoid blurting out your life story. This will affect people’s perceptions of how you handle things in general, instead of giving the impression that you’re just having a bad day.
Try to carry on as normal. Don’t assume that their respect for you has evaporated – they’re all human and most will empathise. But don’t make the mistake of assuming it’s therefore okay to do it more often. Even if colleagues appear sympathetic, it will work against you.
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HOW TO CONFRONT A COLLEAGUE POSITIVELY
If a work relationship isn’t working, avoidance only widens the gap between you. Try a positive confrontation instead. Choose a quiet time and speak supportively, saying ‘I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately,’ or, ‘I see you’re very upset. Can I help?’ This opens the door to discussion. Most people will open up and the confrontation will be beneficial. If not, at least you’ve tried and can take the issue to your human resources person if nothing changes. An antagonistic approach, on the other hand, with questions such as, ‘What’s your problem?!’ will close the door completely. If your colleague tells you it’s none of your business, respect that. Don’t force the issue, but offer verbal support, saying, ‘I’m here if you need me.’
To set a tone of respect and reciprocity, let the other person choose the time and place when you suggest a meeting. Show empathy during a confrontation and your colleague will be less defensive and more receptive to finding a solution. Use ‘I’ language, take turns to talk without interrupting, and listen actively, summarising each other’s thoughts and feelings to make sure you’re both being understood. Explore possible options and decide on a solution together.
Whatever you do, don’t simmer with self-destructive rage for weeks on end. Rather express your anger – in a controlled and respectful yet honest way. If necessary, wait until your anger settles before communicating how you feel.
By the way, a confrontation isn’t always necessary or productive. Ask yourself, ‘Is it worth my while doing something about this, or doesn’t it matter?’
When to cut loose, and how to do it
What do you do when you’re up against, say, a megalomaniac colleague or manager who can’t handle criticism? Consider letting it pass: remain civil and either minimise your contact with the person, or find a way to move out of the toxic zone altogether. Refusing to take any more abuse is not a failure – it’s protecting your integrity, which is your first responsibility to yourself.
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Scary Challenge: THROWING EVERYTHING IN TO FOLLOW A DREAM (STUDIES, TRAVEL, A NEW BUSINESS VENTURE)
Why it’s hard: Because of the consequences you perceive, such as ending up penniless, or being rejected by society. It is a big responsibility, as people will say, ‘I told you so,’ if it doesn’t go as you planned.
What to do: Act responsibly. Do all the necessary research, over-prepare, then go for it. (Try Virgin CEO Richard Branson’s line: ‘Screw it. Let’s do it’). If you do your homework, your fear lessens and you feel more confident.
The risks: You could fail. Then again, failure is the greatest teacher. Successful people get up after a failure, dust themselves off and start again.
The benefits: Following a dream is the most liberating experience. You might actually achieve the life you want, instead of merely surviving. How many people do that?