HOW TO TALK TO YOUR BOSS

Whether you’re asking for a salary review or hoping to lessen your work load, revise your message in your head so it’ll sound clear and logical. Sit down, hold eye contact, and speak calmly. Instead of rambling on apologetically before getting to the point, be specific about what you want from your boss. Never approach him or her without offering a few solutions too. Your boss may try to talk around the issue, so don’t leave until you get a satisfactory response. Hear your boss out though, don’t react defensively, and clarify any misunderstandings immediately.

HOW TO APPROACH YOUR BOSS ABOUT SOMETHING SERIOUS

You’ve discovered fraud, sexual harassment or other dodgy dealings are going on in your workplace, and you want to clear the air with your boss.

Why it’s hard: Because you fear the consequences – possible rejection, loss of earnings, loss of face.

What to do: Confront your boss if necessary, but remember you don’t have to be confrontational. Be utterly respectful, calm and in control. Make ‘I’ statements, not ‘you’ statements (‘I feel that…’), be willing to hear a point of view different from yours without getting angry, and don’t be emotional. Go in prepared. If your boss denies your claims, what will you say? Have a plan B: if you’re fired, what will you do?

The risks: You could be fired, moved to another department, or passed up for promotion.

The benefits: It’s about your honesty and integrity, and being true to yourself. Also, since we spend so much time at work, it’s important we’re happy there.

YOU DON’T NEED TO APOLOGISE FOR…

Just not getting it

It’s tempting, yet entirely unnecessary, to apologise for not understanding a term or concept. There’s no shame in interrupting someone to request an explanation – after all, many people unconsciously use industry-specific jargon, and some just aren’t effective communicators. Next time it happens, don’t say ‘sorry’; simply say, ‘Before you go on, could you explain what X means?’ This will usually signal to the speaker that more explanation or clearer language is needed.

Asking for help

We’re always saying, ‘Sorry to bother you, but could you possibly…’ There’s no reason anyone should have to grovel for assistance. Asking: ‘Would you please help me?’ does the trick without compromising your confidence.

Requesting a raise

Owing to inflation, many of us are earning less and less in terms of actual buying power, even though we might receive annual pay increases. Don’t be apologetic about approaching your boss with a list of reasons why you deserve a raise. If you feel satisfied you do a good job, it’s a completely reasonable request. The alternative is waiting for management to realise that you’re worth more money – which could leave you undervalued until your retirement.

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HOW TO TALK TO A POTENTIALLY USEFUL BUSINESS CONTACT

When you’re talking to a top executive who might prove a fruitful contact, don’t solicit help on the spot. Asking someone for a job or business advice at a first meeting can be insulting and is unlikely to act in your favour. Rather keep things social and follow up later with a phone call or email. Successful business people respond well to an authoritative, direct approach. Say, for example: ‘Hi, I’m Alison Jones. I heard you speak at the university dinner on Friday.’ Saying, ‘I’m a great admirer of your company’ also goes down well, but don’t suck up too much. Show confidence by facing the person squarely, making direct eye contact and reaching out for a handshake.

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Scary Challenge: ADMITTING YOU’VE MADE A MISTAKE – TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Why it’s hard: No-one likes admitting to having erred – and usually there are real consequences to owning up. We also tend to judge ourselves harshly, telling ourselves we’re bad and unsuccessful.

What to do: Learn to stay with the uncomfortable feeling. Hold it, and it will pass. You’ll learn not to fear the feelings associated with owning up.

The risks: You could lose the respect, trust and friendship of others.

The benefits: Owning up makes you a bigger, better person. Once you’ve admitted guilt, you can take action to rectify the situation. And you’ll be more insightful and exercise better judgement the next time.