CAN ELECTRIC SEX LAST IN A

LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP?

Is it possible to recapture the passionate sex that keeps you up all night at the start of a relationship? The short answer is…er, not really. Once the initial hormonal flush of rolling in ripped sheets has passed, it’s gone, and the relationship – if it endures – moves into a deeper phase of sharing and understanding. You can feel excited again in a relationship, but not in exactly the same way. The secret to keeping the spark alive is keeping yourself interesting, interested, and passionate about your life as an individual.

Love and sex are an amazing combination. Early relationship sex is high-intensity and zero effort: to feel turned on, all you and your partner need do is, um, show up. But that urgent passion inevitably wears off, and this is where most people make a mistake. You may misinterpret waning lust as meaning something’s going wrong in the relationship. What’s really happening is that your union is shifting form – from the chemical-infused lust state to one that’s anchored in real love. And love is what makes for stupendous sex in the long term.

Relationship sex goes deep. It’s nourishing and enriching, characterised by more meaning, intimacy and expression. And though long-term lovemaking is less intense, it’s more explorative, and connects your sexuality with your emotions. There’s depth and passion on offer. If you’re really ‘making love’ to a person you deeply love, it’s an emotional as well as a sexual experience.

The key ingredients for happy long-term sex
* Open communication;
* Physical attraction;
* Sensitivity and understanding; and
* Good timing when it comes to initiating sex.

A sustained, satisfying sex life combines the best aspects of both long- and short-term relationships. In other words, mix trust, respect, love and comfort (the benefits of long-term love) with the passion and energy associated with flings (which you can muster up with a bit of effort and planning), and you have a potent, long-lasting cocktail.

Is it possible to reintroduce first-night lust into your partnership?

Absolutely, but expect moments of high intensity, not 24-7 passion as you initially experienced. And remember, effort is required to keep the love juice flowing. Human beings are creatures of habit, but we do enjoy variety too. That’s why having sex in the same bed and the same position becomes boring.

1. You need to be proactive, and invest energy and time in your sex life. Create opportunities to explore and try new things. It’s not always easy with life’s time constraints, but for something to work requires input and planning. Good sex isn’t just going to happen because you share a bed.

2. Take responsibility for your sexual needs

If you feel embarrassed by what you want in the bedroom, or can only focus on pleasing your partner, or feel frigid or boring in bed, it’ll erode your sex life and relationship. Consult a sex therapist to deal with past issues, understand your sexual needs, and learn to communicate them.

3. Letting your partner know what you like and what you find sexually attractive in him or her makes a great difference. How you communicate is important: ask for what you want in a loving, respectful way, without putting pressure on him or her. It’s also important to look after yourself physically and mentally. This isn’t about telling yourself you have to have a perfect body, but making an effort to maintain what your partner finds sexy about you.

Your needs change in a long-term relationship. From having sex many times a night at the start, you may feel comfortable and happy with a couple of times a week. There are also different types of sex within a relationship, all of which are different and serve their own purposes – from morning quickies to make-up sex that may cement your bond after an argument – and they’re all good!