We were all silent for a while. The Doc had to go somewhere and left us shortly after that. We could hear his old Toyota driving out of the parking area and disappearing into the night. Still, nobody said a word.

Then Mama Eunice, one of the childcare workers, looked at me and said softly: ‘Mbu, you want to change your life, don’t you?’

Until that evening I had never spoken more than three sentences in a row at HOKISA. I don’t know where the sudden clarity came from, but I knew I had to speak now. I had to tell all those who were present exactly what had happened to me since my arrival at Gogo’s home in January: the months in prison, the proceedings at court – and my return to Masiphumelele. I talked for at least a half hour and nobody interrupted me. They all listened attentively. It felt as if a huge burden was lifted away from my shoulders.

One of the older boys said: ‘We are happy that you are here now, Mbu!’ Another patted me on the shoulder and said: ‘Don’t be late for soccer tomorrow, brother, you are a good midfielder…’

We all went to bed soon after that. Ta Simpra locked the main gate as always. ‘Lala kakhuhle – sleep well, Mbu!’ he said.

***

But I did not go to sleep. I stuffed all of Mavusi’s clothes into a bag and jumped over the fence. Nobody was around on this cold and windy night. I walked straight to Atie’s caravan. I woke him up and asked him to join me, just for an hour or so.

One of the good things about our friendship was that Atie never asked questions. He just put on his warm sweater and followed me. He knew that I needed him badly, otherwise I would not have woken him up that late. You don’t wake up a good friend for no reason.

It was not far to my mother’s yard. Everyone was asleep but there was some burnt wood still glowing in one of the fire places. I took one of the sticks and blew on the glowing end. The glow became fierce orange and a little flame started to burn again. I then emptied all of my brother’s old clothes into the middle of the yard between Auntie Nompumelelo’s shack and my mother’s. I asked Atie for a prayer for Mavusi, for Atie and myself. He said a beautiful prayer. Then I lit the clothes with the burning stick and the wind turned all of it into a wild fire in no time. I knelt down next to the fire and cried, and called the name of my brother.

The pieces of my brother’s clothing burnt down quickly. I made sure that no burning sparks were left to fly towards the shacks that could catch fire so easily, especially on stormy nights like this one.

I touched the still warm ashes with my hands. I could feel the warmth of my brother in them. The warmth of his love for me when we were both still little kids. And I knew all the time that Atie understood exactly what I was doing…

I took him back to his caravan and we said good night. Then I returned to HOKISA, jumping back over the fence without anybody noticing me. I slept deeply and without any dreams for the rest of that night.

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